Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year

So in the last hr of the last day of the last year Donn and I were both alive in and I feel so sad and so ripped off it's like why me.. So I have 40 mins where i can say "My partner Donn passed away in January of this year.... in forty mins I will have to say last yr and maybe it would be ok if i felt like it happened last yr and that I still didn't miss him so much and still feel so sad.... for it may have been 11 months ago but for me nothing has changed I still think of him all the time I still feel like my life is stuck in some sort of purgatory here on earth. I still have no dreams no goals no direction for where i want my life to go....

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A ME Dolly


well I just spent 3 hrs making a paper doll and trying to make the face look like mine ahahah hmm I am hoping there is no resemblance as its an ugly looking doll.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Art Journal




I am so looking forward to being involved in this for 2010 hopefully I will complete the whole year and have a great book at the end of 2010. This is my first trial front cover which already I want to change so it may end up being the last page I do.
I also did another test page which I like a little but still not what I am wanting plus it took me over 3 hrs to put it together.
If you want more details the header is a link to the blog about it.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Happy Anniversary


so this time 12 yrs ago I was in a plane flying to Texas to meet Donn after we had met online 6 months previously I was so so so very excited the anticipation, the excitement the nerves but I felt so alive like I was on the brink of a whole new me. So when I finally reached Dumas Texas and walked up the staircase from the tarmac at the airport, I lifted my head and there was Donn looking forme in the crowd of ppl walking up the stairs our eyes connected and then the smiles began. Smiles of pure joy and such a sense of already knowing and loving each other like we had simply been apart from each other for a while and I was coming home. So great was the connection that even now 12 yrs later I am sitting here giggling with remembered joy and all the sweet long loving kisses that saw Donn and I 2 days later with chapped lips and having to get some gel to sooth them hahahahaha. For as long as I live I will never forget that first meeting hearign Donn's laughter seeing how a smile made his eyes twinkle and feeling so instantly at home held within his very tight Texas hug.With him I finally found myself and felt truly complete there was not one single thing about me that he didn't know he knew all my faults and all my strengths and he loved me.. Loved me completely.....

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Eve

Just wanted to post a I love you note to my sweetie D Christmas Eve 2009 you have been with me all day I have thought about you constantly and shared stories of our Christmas Eves with everyone I talked too today. A 1000 wonderful happy treasured memories that make me smile to think of them all. I have missed you so much today remembering the good times makes me smile but it also reminds me of everything I've lost.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

D I've had such a great day today and more than anything I wish I could tell you about it and share the photos. Today was Tree day you know the day we put the Christmas Tree up and you watch on the cam or you play music for us. Well I played your Christmas music and we giggled at some of the sound files we made and the Tree looks wonderful it has so many Christmas balls on it I dont know how its standing up. Then we had the early family Christmas dinner it was actually a lot of fun today everyone had a good time. Just kind of thought you were here with me all day helping and sharing the day with us all.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

14.2.1998

I was looking for a photo on a old CD and came across this text file that I had put together on the 14.2.98 to send to Donn and some how on Thanksgiving it seems like a msg from Donn on how very lucky we were to have found each other.

"When i think of how much you mean to me
i stop to count my blessings..
i feel you in my heart,in my soul and in my mind..
and i wonder how i got so fortunate
to have met someone as wonderful as you..
but yet im not able to hold you, touch you or kiss you.
When i look at your face
even from a picture
i cant help but wonder what it would be like
having you as mine...
To love, to touch, to caress
and to look for you at the end of each day...
wanting to please you in every way...
makes the waiting worth while..
waiting all my life for you to come my way
made this journey worth all the pain...
I love you more with each passing day..
you emcompass my heart and envelope my soul..
your my first thoughts in the morning
and my last thoughts at night as i lay my head to sleep..
My heart and soul are yours for the taking when i can be yours...
so baby just know my feelings are deep and strong
and wanting us to be together as we belong..

So what a combination a Texan and a Aussie.....How did it
happened....specially when New2Mirc is not a pickup channel..
or so us OPs in there pride ourselves on telling newbies....
It was the first channel I entered as a newbie knowing nothing about
about Mirc.....and who offered to teach me but a very sexy Texan "Mongoose"
well what hope did I have?? I received beautiful Yellow Texas Roses....
wav files of a gorgeous Texas Drawl....Well nearly 8 months later and
3 weeks spent in Texas on the most romantic adventure of my life....
I've found my Soul Mate...
Later this year The Texan is moving to Australia!!!!!
So stay tuned for the sequel to the most romantic love
adventure since Superman gave up his powers for Lois Lane.


Donn you are my first thought in the morning...my last thought before I sleep.....my dreams both day and night.... and my thoughts in between...you encompass my heart and soul...and you give me reason to go on.....you are my love and my life and i cherish every moment with you...from now until the end of time...I love you baby."


Happy Thanksgiving sweetheart as for me I will always be truly grateful that I got to spend 12 wonderful years with you.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

My mushy D

I am sitting here giving myself a hug from Donn in that I am wearing his favourite jacket and every time I put it on I shut my eyes and see him wearing it and remember how it felt to be in his arms with him hugging me tight. So each time I put it on I just think of it as a hug from Donn I find it really helps.

I also found this part of a msn chat conversation between Donn and I earlier and found myself gigglin that man was such a mushy sweet flirt

10/05/2008 11:42:26 AM GooSe thats when I love you the most
10/05/2008 11:42:26 AM samm why what ya mean
10/05/2008 11:43:53 AM GooSe when I take your picture, you don't EVER EVER tell me to wait so you can "pimpup"; fix your hair, etc.
10/05/2008 11:44:10 AM samm hahahahahahahah
10/05/2008 11:44:30 AM GooSe your smile is so beautiful, you don't have to fix.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Just need to come hang out in here I just miss my D and I just made the mistake of listening to his songs he made for me and hearing his voice just bought back that sharp edge grief of simply more than anything wanting to hear his voice hear him telling me the words to comfort me and to make me strong so I can help support Jenny with the tragic accidental loss of her kind wonderful husband Terry.
The thing with My Sweetie D is that he would listen and let me talk out my anger, frustration, sadness with whatever it was work, kids, family friends etc and then he would try and make suggestions to help or give me a different perspective on the situation but the one thing he would ALWAYS say is "keep your chin up" he always wanted to make me smile. There is no doubt in my mind it was our ability and love of making each other laugh that got us through the times apart. I so miss our laughter... but I am doing better I know right now I have been reminded of the early dark grief stricken days but I am clinging on to the steps I've made in going forward. I am eating healthy I have starting walking and in the last 2 weeks lost 2.8 kilos. I've started having my nails done again and even cancel my next session with the grief counselor. So I am really wanting to not take on Jenny's extreme grief and instead be the person she has been for me. Provide warmth, support and a place of hope and normalcy that there will be joy of many types in my life in the yrs to come.

Not to focus on that normally this time of the yr Donn and I would be so excited with only 8 weeks till we got to touch again.
So to plan on how to get through this ext 2 months of Christmas and New Year I am going to ask myself every day " what have I done today to make life better for someone"? just simple things.

Friday, September 25, 2009

school holidays

I've been doing so much better but now I feel tired emotional and i miss Donn stupid incident at work just got to me and its last day of term 3 and a week to Donn's birthday it's normally these holidays when Donn and i start to get really excited about seeing each other as its just 10 weeks till I would normally go to Fort Worth and here i am just feeling like crying and it makes me mad mad at myself mad at the whole world
I just feel like i am trying so hard to be ok and not to feel sad all the time and to start give a damn about how I look and here I am sitting here alone and crying feeling sorry for myself. I need to snap out stop crying and focus on the positives in my life... Like its 2 weeks school holidays I am going to Melbourne to stay with essee, Inky and daggs and they have the best holiday planned out for me so I should be jumping for joy not sitting here in floods of tears.
I just hate it I start to believe that I am dealing with things better and then some special memory or date comes up and I feel like I am back to square one againw ith missing Donn and wanting to talk to him and hear his voice.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

so tired

So I had my first session with Lyn the grief councilor and I just feel so over overwhelmingly exhausted. The hour went by so fast in fact it seemed like 5 mins I mostly cried for the whole time she was a really nice lady the room was very pleasant two large couches to sit on. Lyn asked me if i had ever though of writing mine and Donn's story such that it is so beautiful. The ongoing12 year honey moon never having to deal with the drudgery of every day life. At the end she said given just what i had told her in that one session that i should not waste 1 min feeling guilty about not staying with Donn at the end because Donn loved me so much that he wouldn't want me to feel bad about anything and in fact given the nature of our relationship being long distance that somehow our story went full circle given that I was on the phone talking to him when he took his last breathe. She also said that I need to cry that bottling it up and stopping myself from releasing my pain just takes away from my ability to cope with anything. That where I'm at right now is just where I am at I cant move myself from my pain and that i need to stop feeling bad for crying. I told her the story of how when Donn asked me how old I was I told him I was born in the yr JFK was assassinated so he then went on to ask me a 100 questions about his death which I cheated and looked up the encyclopedia before answering him of course he didn't know that as we were chatting online he just thought i was a slow typist he was simply amazed that I would know so much about JFK later as in a yr or so later when I told him what I had done he thought it was so damn funny of course now days I would have googled for the answers but back in 1997 that was pre google.
At the end I just didn't feel like an hr was long enough to have some one just sit and listen to me talk and cry and laugh about my memories of Donn with out me having to hold back my emotions was wonderful to have some one get how much I miss him and how very sad I feel and some one letting me know that not only is it ok for me to cry but really very desirable . She also asked me or made the comment about me being thankful for being so loved in the context of that many many ppl never get to know the joy and love that Donn and i shared.
Has it helped I am not sure part of me was too upset to really listen to her words of advice so maybe when I am not feeling so tired and so emotionally drained more of what she said will come back to me.

LIke me wonderign if i had been there if I had stayed woudl Donn still be alive today of course he wouldnt he was getting the best medical treatment he knew I loved him if he could have lived he would have. I jsut miss him. I miss us and how we were together we were "the Blur squad", DCCD, Pan and Tink , Rhett and Scarlett, samm and GooSe just miss him.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

a Note from a Friend

I understand how you feel, Caro and this is JUST the place you should be sharing your blues. I do know, a little, how you feel, although no one can know it exactly. Every year we hang ornaments on the Christmas tree and the first time I hung them myself, he was still alive, but dying. I was alone with the tree and the ornaments..and I knew he would never hang them again. It was heartbreaking and I wrote this poem.

My tree is clothed in dark and light
And I sit before it in the night
Remembering how, with loving care,
A child once hung those trinkets there
And though the tree seems fully dressed
Alone, I now must hang the rest
Then the tree with greater love will shine
With memories of that son of mine.
I hang the sparkle from his eyes
That shone each day with sweet surprise,
I hang a gentle heart-shaped kiss
The one that I would always miss.
I hang a bow of loving charms,
And a hug he once held in his arms
Now every light will hold a part
Of all the memories in my heart
For though my grief will never sleep
His heart would break, and he would weep
If we never again felt the Christmas Joy
That was so much a part of my wonderful boy.

But I built new traditions where we honour him and remember him each year, in a positive and happy way. Every time my spirits sink low and I don't feel like celebrating, I remember a mother I met in a grief group whose daughter died on Thanksgiving and she refused to celebrate it. Her whole family wore shirts with the daughter's picture on and picked up McDonalds and ate it by the daughter's grave. It was awful and this was 14 years after the girl died!! Chris loved Christmas and he would be so sad if we didn't celebrate it without him.

Holidays have extra memories - we have to learn to cope with that and be grateful for that. It takes time - this is your first year and you are still limping along.

But - two years ago for CIJ - I did this layout - over 11 years after Chris died... I still grieve and so will you, always.


The journaling says:

For one moment, one, breath,

one heartbeat, I would like to have you back. I want to say I love you one more time and tell you how much I miss you and how much my heart has ached every day since you’ve been gone. I want to take a breath in a world where you are alive and where all the tears are tears of joy.

This is my Christmas Wish...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Random thoughts to catch up



So it has been over a month since I last posted kind of wish that it's because I am doing better but in fact really doing worse not better I've just seem to have sunk into this terrible sort of sadness that has me just crying at the most random and frequent times. I just want to be miserable I miss Donn and I guess I am angry and resentful that I have to live with out him. Knowing he kept every promise he ever made me just makes me feel even angrier he promised to love me till the day he died he just never told me that that meant I would have to live with out him.

I did find this totally wonderful sound file that Donn recorded of me singing Happy birthday to him and the dog howling to my singing and all you can hear in the bg is Donn laughing it truly is so wonderful being able to listen to him laughing.

I just wonder if I will ever share that kind of joy or happiness again will anyone ever know me and love me again the way Donn did or am I destined to forever be sad and to just look to the day that I am with Donn again.

Right now I feel pretty invisible like I am living on the fringe of everyone else life with out any real direction of my own.
I did have a really wonderful conversation with James Donn's best friend on July 4TH we LAUGHED AND CRIED TOGETHER Donn loved James like a bro and out of every one James really comes closest to feeling my level of grief and loss but hearing his beautiful voice and having him tell me how he loved me as a sister just made me cry harder as he sounds so like Donn and it just reminds me of all I have lost.

I did have the most beautiful dream about Donn and it did bring me a real sense of comfort. I dreamt that I had gone to Fort Worth to visit Donn's grave site and when I got there Crystal Shana's daughter picked me up from the airport to take me to the cemetery when we got to the cemetery I went to the information booth to get directions to Donn's grave site well then I walking along between all the crosses and Donn was walking with me holding my hand kissing me and we were laughing we walked around the cemetery all the while looking for his grave site and then when I woke up I realised Donn didn't know where to find it either as he is not there he is with me.

To give myself a Birthday ay gift from Donn I went through the 100s of cards he has sent me over the yrs and reread all the birthday cards from him for previous yrs they all made me smile. Every one was always with him wanting to make me smile and to let me know how much he loved me.

Then other days when i feel like I want to throw my computer out take down all my photos of Donn put all the reminders away as I just feel overwhelmed by what I have lost and just need to escape from everyone and everything that reminds me . Then other days when I want to reread and listen and watch everything i can just again to feel surrounded in the love that Donn had for me.

Going away with my friends for a few days was a welcomed distraction and sure beats sitting home alone.

I also got the most beautiful gift in the mail from Donn's sister and Mother it was a beautiful angel and silver bracelet that has engraved on it "Nothing is impossible for you if you have faith:.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Altered Life


So how am I doing hmmmmm not sure I want to think too much about that question. I wish there was concrete proof of what happens after you die. I know different people believe different things. For 45 yrs I've been taught as a Catholic that when you die you go to heaven where you get to be reunited with all your love ones. Well sounds nice and I sure truly want to believe that is the case because the thought of never getting to be with Donn again is simply more than I can bear. Which then makes me also question the concept of angels it makes me feel so wonderful to think of Donn as my special angel who is always with me but how do I know if it really is true or just something we tell ourselves to make the grief just a little easier.
Is it possible as occured in the Ghost Whisperer for one persons spirit to enter into another person is there a chance for Donn to come back to me albeit in another form? Then there is Donn's sister going to see a lady who claims to be able to talk to the recent departed on Saturday and she is convinced this woman can give messages from the dead. All of this sure making me feel a little crazy. I know it is all normal to go through this as more than anything I cant bear to think that all Donn and i will ever get to have is the 11 years we did I need to believe he is with me and we will be together for the whole of eternity.

Monday, May 18, 2009

I haven't posted in a while which is kind of interesting as over the last few months posting on here has tended to be when I have reached the point of being over whelmed with emotions. I think and I mean "think" I feel differently as in something has altered. Going away too the Gold Coast seems to have given me some mental peace from torturing myself night after night about the last week and a half of Donn's life. It's like that has receded a little from being constantly in my mind and after spending a lot of time at the crop talking about some of the wonderful times I shared with Donn with a lot of the wonderful ladies their it has helped to move the most painful memories further back in my mind. So much so that yesterday I was feeling strong enough to listen to the songs Donn sang for me which then had me in floods of tears hearing his beautiful voice and listening to him pouring out his love for me by singing me mushy love songs. I just miss him I miss having him in my corner I miss having him tell me how much he loves me I miss how he made me feel like i was the most important person in the world to him.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

My MonGooSe


I always remember being so so amazed at how beautiful and green it was in Texas during the summer so very very different to what it was like in the winter. Which made it so very different to here in Perth when it's during winter everything is so green.
Summer in Texas was warm and balmy green grass and big green leaves on the trees and often a late afternoon shower I have so many many beautiful memories of the 3 trips I took to Texas during the summer.

So just now when one of Donn's friends sent me this photo of his grave site he took yesterday it was such a strange mix of emotions I just miss him so much and feel so so very sad but then the greenery and the new grass growing around his plaque reminds me whether I want it too or not that there is still beauty in life and that things are continuing on as they should.

Monday, April 27, 2009

confused

last day of my holidays today back to work tomorrow and I know it sounds bad but I am really kind of glad as these holidays have been very difficult for me dont get me wrong i've done lots of good things but they have also made me miss Donn so very much and really i am feeling very confused about everything. One of the grannies made a comment on one of my layouts that has me thinking.... the problem is I really have no idea what to do to help deal with my loss is scrapping layouts of Donn the right or wrong thing to do I am even wondering if maybe i need to stop scrapping entirely for a while am I just making it harder for myself by spending so much time scrapping and writing about my feelings and memories should I just not look at all my photos and not spend time on my computer. Am I in denial that Donn has gone by continuing to scrap layouts of the two of us is it making it harder for me to stop missing him so badly. I guess I just wish I knew what is the "normal" thing to do some times I think I feel so overwhelmed by the loneliness that I am going a bit nuts.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Donald and Daisy




Who would have thought that deciding to clean out my wardrobes would reduce me to floods of tears but every piece of my clothing has a memory of Donn attached too it makes it extremely hard to throw things away BUT I did as it is just too depressing having two walk in robes full of clothes that I dont wear anymore because they dont fit me. I kept a few of my very favourite Donn and I shirts ones I am wearing in some of my favourite photos of the two of us. As for them not fitting me well I have put so much weight on since arriving in Texas in Dec last yr that I almost dont recognise myself...... well its time to stop eating and get exercising in stead and when i lose weight well I will go get myself a couple of new outfits. One of the shirts I simply couldnt part with is my Donald and daisy shirt Donn loved this shirt it was one of those fun impulse buys and I remember New Years day 2006 when all the other ladies during the day were all in Harley Black type T_shirts there was I in my pale blue Disney shirt and Donn just loved it.hehehe Donn always loved me looking girly he thought woman should look like woman kind of a bit ole fashion in some ways I guess but he sure made me feel so beautiful.








We were a bit naughty we often would take our photo while driving in the car put the timer on then stick the camera on the dash board some days we would have jsut like one of us in it or cut the tops of our heads off and all sorts of silly shots.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Miss my Music Man

I've been doing so good and now today I am back to just missing my D I miss the joy the giggles the laugh the music right now I feel like I am just going through the motions of living. I know I will be ok but life is not about being ok its about having Adventures. I know its just being on holidays has caught up with me as normally I would be spending extra time online chatting to Donn enjoying being able to hang out with him without having to rush to work and all last week I kept myself busy but then yesterday I ran out of things I wanted to do and decided to update my music folder well of course I cant listen to music without missing Donn and revisiting a million memories which are attached to all our/ my music. He was my music man he was the person who sent me songs and got me listening to all types of music. I have so many songs he sang for me and sound files of his voice recordings of little msgs he did for me and hearing his voice and listening to him laugh and I just miss him all he ever wanted was to make me laugh. Nothing made us happier than to know we made the other smile and laugh. We would tell each other so many many time " you make me laugh more than anyone ever has" .

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter



Today is a good day and I feel surrounded by love and as I was driving home from the grocery store a short while ago it occurred to me I am doing okay. Donn is going to love me for the rest of my life and will always be with me. I am cooking Roast Pork for the girls and their partners for lunch it smells delicious I've set the table and just for this day right now I am feeling good.
I have had a giggle thinking about the things Donn and I would share for Easter this layout is just one of the many crazy things I did.
Donn did the photoshop of the two of us. So Easter has always been one of the Holidays that we've spent apart but always done fun things to make each other laugh.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Do we have a destiny or is life just a strange series of coincidences? Like today was the first game of the series for Texas Rangers Baseball Donn loved and I do mean LOVED Baseball he started counting down to the start of this season from the last day of the last season in October last year. He followed every bit of Base Ball news during the off season sharing every detail of every trade every and anything to do with the Rangers. He had already decided where he would get a seat at today's game he loved to sit just behind 3rd base at the Arlington Ball Park. He would have been so pumped and excited about today's game as not only was it the start of the season but George Bush pitched the first pitch and Donn was a huge GW fan so it was like a double blow for me that he didnt get to be there for something that would have been a once in alife time experience for him. Alos the rangers won 9-1 and Salty and Josh Hamilton hit Home Runs.

Today was also special for another reason when I got up this morning I had an email from Donn's son Chris who I havent had the chance to talk too since Donn died . This is what the email said

"I dont know if you want to hear from me or not but i just want to tell you that even though i dont know you that well i really love you from the depths of my soul for being with my dad and for all the years you spent with him i just really need you to understand this and i really miss him alot so if maybe you could keep in touch with i think it will help me a whole lot thank you for reading this i hope to hear from you soon i got your email from ricks wife talk to you later love chris"

I only got to Meet Chris a couple of times as he lived in Indiana I was so happy to get his email as I had tried contacting him in a number of ways and not gotten any replies. So I am hoping that talking to Chris and sharing our grief will be beneficial to both of us.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

I have been missing Donn so much today some days are better than others then some days are worse than others today has been a bad day. I woke up this morning just wanting more than anything to hear Donn's voice I just miss him and the joy he bought to my life. Work has been rather tough lately and I just miss being able to talk to Donn about it.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Be my friend




You ask me how I'm feeling
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you
You say you have to go

How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see

You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The second I try to speak my heart;
You start squirming in your chair.

Everyone avoids me now,
because they don't know what to say
They tell me I'll be there for you,
then turn and walk away.

Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call you and scream
into the phone,
My God, my soul mate is dead?

No one will let me
say the words I need to say
Why does a person's grief
scare everyone away?

I am tired of pretending
as my heart pounds in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable
but my soul finds no rest.

How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of hearing him struggle to breathe
knowing he was scared and in pain.

You cannot imagine
what is was like for me that day
to place a final kiss upon that cheek,
and have to turn and walk away.

If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.

Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."

Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do too.

I swear that I'll remember
till the day I'm very old,
the friend who sat and held my hand
and let me bare my soul.

~Author Unknown

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

13 folds

I have Donn's flag here right behind me on the coffee table with all my sympathy cards and photos it's in a glass triangle box frame still folded exactly as it was by the servicemen at Donn's funeral and I cant stop looking at it, I haven't cried in fact I am feeling very weird but I cant stop looking at it it's like my eyes are drawn too it and I know the importance and significance of it and how very very very special it is and how immensely proud Donn would be of it and I will always always treasure it and keep it safe but its like I was expecting to have a much much stronger reaction too it but really maybe what I am feeling is a sense of relief that it is finally where it belongs. Or maybe with each thing I get I have this hope that it's going to some how stop the pain and I wont feel so empty anymore.

Meaning of the 13 folds in the flag are as follows
Below is the text that is recited by honor guards when folding the American flag at the funeral of America's heroes.
  1. The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life.
  2. The second fold is a symbol of our belief in the eternal life.
  3. The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veteran departing our ranks who gave a portion of life for the defense of our country to attain a peace throughout the world.
  4. The fourth fold represents our weaker nature, for as American citizens trusting in God, it is to Him we turn in times of peace as well as in times of war for His divine guidance.
  5. The fifth fold is a tribute to our country, for in the words of Stephen Decatur, "Our country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right; but it is still our country, right or wrong."
  6. The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie. It is with our heart that we pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
  7. The seventh fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces, for it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our country and our flag against all her enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic.
  8. The eighth fold is a tribute to the one who entered in to the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day, and to honor mother, for whom it flies on Mother's Day.
  9. The ninth fold is a tribute to womanhood; for it has been through their faith, love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great have been molded.
  10. The tenth fold is a tribute to father, for he, too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of our country since they were first born.
  11. The eleventh fold, in the eyes of a Hebrew citizen, represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon, and glorifies, in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
  12. The twelfth fold, in the eyes of a Christian citizen, represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in their eyes, God the Father, the Son, and Holy Ghost.
When the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost, reminding us of our national motto, "In God we Trust."

Saturday, March 21, 2009

The Bra Epic

I didnt go to school on Thursday or Friday because I just felt too emotional and really just wanted to totally focus on each precious gift that had arrived in the mail but then yesterday morning I went to one of the department stores here Big W to buy some bras as they had them out on sale so I go and pick up 2 pairs of very plain practical bras on special and as I am looking at the bras I see this very sexy red black and white lace bra the sort I loved to wear for Donn its my size but twice as expensive as the others I picked it up and decided to buy it I walked 10 metres and turned around and put it back with whats the point I cant show Donn and I dont need nor can I afford it so then I walk off get 10 mts and turn around go back and get it as I hear a little voice say to me but Donn loved you wearing sexy bras go get it so I go back pick it up and walk off again only to change my mind and dump the bra on some random shelf with dont be nuts you dont need it and you cant afford it so off I walk again and again I have something pulling me back to get the bra I grabbed it dumped the two plain bras with a to hell with it this one is bright cheery and I will feel great in it.... at which point I immediately started to giggle and felt like Donn was laughing with me he wanted me to have that bra and while he may never see me wear it I sure am going to be thinking of him and feeling great in it.
When I got home from the store i put it right on and it fitted perfectly and felt so right and now every tiem I think of it and the big bra dilemma I giggle as I think Donn was hanging out withme in Big W he was a HUGE Walmart fan so maybe he has decided Big W is a good substitute so he came with me and made certain i didnt buy any plain boring bra.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

tired but peaceful

I've had a kind of special day today I received notification last night I had a large parcel to pick up from the airport from Donn's sister so this morning bright and early I went and collected it... part of this was having to get it processed by customs at a cost of $50 so I was attended to by this wonderful kind older man who asked me what I do I told him I was a teacher so then he asked me where to cut along story short I teach with a very dear friend of his so then I ended up telling him my life history and he waivered the $50 fee it truly made me feel so good.
So I put the extra large box in the back of the car and played very loud music all Donn's favourite on the way to the car wash I know some times I am a little crazy but I needed to clean the car and I think I just wanted too prolong the sheer pleasure of having the parcel without dealing with the emotion after I opened it. So finally my car is all spotless inside and out so I make my way home carry the box in and put it in the middle of the large coffee table in the lounge room.
Inside apart from Donn's numerous cameras and lens but minus the battery charger for his DSLR camera were his most prized possessions...
His watch that I bought him and has engraved on the back "Donn + Carolyn = Love 3.10.00 (his birthday) he wore that watch ALL the time he loved it.
His Zippo lighter with the Australian flag on it and all the dates I had arrived in Texas engraved on it.
My gold "C ring that I got for my 21st off my mum and dad that Donn had been wearing on his pinky finger since 1997.
A silver coin with a rose carved in one side and "Love is patient and kind... it always protects, trusts, and hopes...Love never fails. Cor 3:24 engraved on the other side Donn carried that coin with him all the time in his pocket with his loose change.
and then finally something I thought had been lost at the hospital but his sister had found in the clothes dryer when Donn died she took his clothes home and washed them and his chain and medallion must have been put in the pocket it was a miracle. It's a St Christopher Medallion which is also engraved that I gave him for his birthday in 1998.
So it has been an extremely emotional day one of a million happy memories of times of seeing and sharing these gifts with Donn. Like the silver medallion used to nestle in his hairy chest and I used to love playing with it when we were laying in bed together until he would grab my hand and tell me to quit it as it was bugging him hehehehehhe
Oh one final thing I talked to Donn's sister this morning and she has also now mailed me Donn's flag so I should be getting that soon too.
So for now I have some mental peace I cried a lot of tears today and I am emotionally drained but I also feel calm and a sense of things being where they should be and where Donn would want them to be. I feel now even more that he is here with me.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

A note to my D

Sweetie I am so excited I think you probably know I can hear you teasing me about having Adult ADHD when I got so excited about something I almost sizzle with energy well thats how I have felt since I got home at 6pm tonight and found a big official looking envelope waiting for me in the mail box. Its from the customs at Perth International Airport to say I have a parcel waiting for me and guess what its from your sister. I cant hardly believe it she never replied to any of my emails for the last week and then here is the parcel and what more I had 2 emails from her containing photos of the celebration they had for you in Fort Worth. I am so trying to just focus on the fact she has sent me some of the stuff but on the list of items there is no mention of your flag:( I so wish she had included that as well.
In typing this tho it has just occured to me that in getting this parcel I am suddenly faced with having to go through the agony of accepting you have gone all over again. As my ring or your ring or OUR ring is in that parcel and you loved that ring with all your heart and would get annoyed at me trying to sneak it off your little pinky but I loved it too and wanted too wear it. But you took it off my finger in Dec 1997 and wore it every day ever since. You always said that the C on it stood for COMMITTMENT. I just feel so tired so very tired and I miss you.
Maybe tho for a little while we can both relax a little I've just been so obssessed with getting the stuff from the house I think it was making me a little crazy so hopefully Sharian willget the rest of the stuff in the mail sooner rather than later.
I could keep talking to you forever I just need you so much you always put the balance back in my life. So stay with me love I need you with me until everything has settled and I have all our things.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

what do I do?????

I dont know what to do I lay awake at night thinking about how much I want mine and Donn's stuff that his sister is meant to be mailing to me its now 8 weeks and she still hasn't mailed it every few days I email her asking her or just dropping her a quick hello always kind and understanding but its like this weeping wound that making me go crazy too the point of laying in bed at night crying and not being able to sleep I dont understand why she doesnt realise how desparately I want mine and Donn's things my ring our photos his favourite jacket the flag from his funeral his watch that i had engraved for him his cameras just so many things and she just doesnt seem to understand how badly it effects me she just keeps telling me how busy she is. I have offered to send the money to cover cost but thats not the issue. I just dont know how to get her to do it and I cant get angry or annoyed with her as then she may never do it. I just feel trapped in this place where I have no control. I know how upset Donn would be and how very frustrated he would be by my having to wait like this. But what do I do or say to make her understand without offending her.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Words to remember

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always

remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

Whats the point?



I had a nice day yesterday on my Geography excursion and I have a small group of really nice Yr 12 students. I did take a little pocket camera with me so took a few photos but as I was telling my friend Jen most of the day I felt quite sad as one of the reasons I had grown to love my Geog Excursions in the past is that while the students were busy writing notes and sketching I would take photos of all the amazing scenery around the city to show Donn so this yr I struggled with the day and was really quite glad to have the day over. Even last night I had fully intended taking some night photos but decided what was the point as who would I show them too it's so hard I love photography and taking photos but so much of that was that i shared them with Donn he was my audience we spent hrs sharing photos with each other and challenging each other to improve and get different types of shots whether they be macro of flowers or different angles of the pets etc.
So every time I pick my camera up my heart aches even more as it's like I am asking myself why are you bothering taking these no one cares and I cant show them to Donn so whats the point?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

just blah

I want to write how I feel but the thing is its like there is this emptiness a nothingness I miss Donn and the joy and the anticipation of looking forward to talking to him to the shared laughter I just miss him. Its like for 11 yrs I counted down towards the day Donn and I would get to be together again and now I am counting backwards from the day we last got to touch and it makes me want to be physically sick so painful is that last memory. I just feel so very alone.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Hall of Fame




well I am tickled pink I just logged on to the Granny thread and this was the first post I saw. This was posted by the kindest most wonderful lady called Mars. She is such an amazing lady always has time to comment on every ones layouts and posts. Then their is Erica who moved my layout into the Hall of Fame another truly generous kind lady who Ia m going to get to meet at the Queensland Crop in May.

I am so pleased that this particular layout was chosen as it really connected with me as I was doing it as Donn and i sent so many cards and letters to each other that it jsut seems fitting to have this layout recognised as being special.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Not feeling so good

So I had all these plans to keep myself really busy this 3 day weekend but instead I wake up yesterday morning feeling totally unwell so rushing back and forward to the toilet all day and feeling nauseous so I didnt get to do half of what I wanted and spent most of the day home alone which right now I cant cope with and then again today I was meant to go out for Lunch with friends but still felt unwell so again I spent the day home alone and just feeling so alone and how long can I expect my friends and family to want to listen to me cry . Today I got angry and told Donn I hated him for doing this to me he had no right leaving me. I dont want to be this sad lonely person but at times I get to feeling so sad I cant barely breathe. I just dont know what to do with myself.Plus I just feel like no one understands how can they unless they have lost the love of their life there #1 person. Donn was my person he loved me more than anyone he was the person I didnt have to censor my thoughts my emotions what I felt he knew about sometimes even before I recognised what I was thinking and feeling he knew me so well. I just miss him I dreamt about him for the first time last night I cant remember what it was about all I do remember is waking up abruptly feeling like I was looking deep into his eyes. Like I opened my eyes and he was so close to me that all I could see were his beautiful blue eyes.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Not an Ordinary Day




So La Trice said at the Military service yesterday "as I have John's flag, (her husband Donn's father)Carolyn will have Donn's flag". My Sweetie D's ashes were interned with a military service yesterday at the Fort Worth Dallas National Cemetery and tho I could not be there in person I was very much there in my thoughts and heart. I am also very very grateful to Rick and Carol who attended the funeral and Carol for taking photographs for me. It means more to me that words can describe that Donn's mother wants me to have Donn's flag for me its the acknowledgment of the deep love and commitment that Donn and I shared. A love that La Trice got to see and share with us on many occasions throughout the 11 yrs. So I had to mark this day by doing something special it could NOT be just another day. So I wanted to do things that I knew Donn would love too and things that would make me feel more connected to him. So I started my day with a Trip to the Ocean as it is standing in the waters of the Indian Ocean that I can feel most connected to all parts of the World . Plus one of the happiest adventures Donn and I shared was swimming in the Atlantic Ocean at Myrtle Beach South Carolina.
From walking along the beach sharing my memories of Donn with my good friend Pam we then drove into Fremantle. Donn loved the stories and photos I sent him of our historic wharf city. We walked around the fishing boat wharf and ended up eating lunch at Joe's Fish Shack. I had the chilli mussles one of my favourite things to eat that Donn always thought was funny. Also one of our most favourite places to eat was at Red Lobster where we would have all you can eat crab legs.
Then on the way home from Fremantle we stopped in and picked up my new computer and I came home and set it up. Some thing else that normally I would be asking Donn a million questions about and wanting him to find programs and bits and pieces for me.

So this was NOT an ordinary day it was the kind of day that Donn and I would have loved. A day where the feeling of missing him etched just that much deeper into my heart.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Hey D guess what?

So my computer finally refused to turn on this morning and it just over whelmed me as it seemed jsut another loss of connection to you. So much of whats was on my computer was us. The games we played together the many emails msgs and graphics we had shared so many experiences so much love so much laughter. While I have backed up most of it I am sure there is things I've missed and I hate the thought of losing one single thing we had shared. One single smile we had made for each other. Over the last two weeks looking through all the folders on my computers I've found graphics songs notes all sent by me you us all so filled with love and joy. Anyway I went down to the computer store after work and I am taking delievery of a brand new one on Monday haahahah you know how i get when I have computer issues like a bear with a sore tooth. I sure am going to miss having you to help me set it all up.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Just really miss my D

Each day is just so long I miss D so much it's just so unbearable I go through the motions of doing what I have always done. But today after school I did what I have done for so long checked my mobile phone for text msgs as every day D would send me 2 or 3 msgs during the day that because of being so busy at work I normally didn't get to read them till I was sitting in the car at the end of the day. Just sweet silly msgs just meant to make me smile even the Base Ball scores for our loved Texas Rangers.. Or even jsut one word we had so many of our own words which were really our way of saying I love you . Lots of these words started as the way I would say them would make Donn laugh so he would copy my accent. Over 11 yrs we had created our own love language.
I just dont know how I will ever stop missing him... He is my best friend the love of my life.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Still be gone

I've just spent 20 minutes sobbing on the phone to my Mum I had a terrible night sleep last night thinking about how I really want to go to Donn's military memorial service on Monday the 23rd of Feb and arguing with myself about the pros and cons of going. The cost the distance the grief the fact it wont change anything he will still be gone. So I know I cant go but I just miss him and I want to get my things from his house and go through our things and not have to rely on other ppl to do it and then have to wait for them to mail it too me.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Not great but ok

Well had my first day back at school today and it was just ok was very hard for me to concentrate and focus and was hard work smiling and pretending I was ok where really being there was no more of a distraction than being busy at home. Just so many things make me think of my D I just miss him so very much.

But I do think he is working his magic for me Jacy got the promotion at JB today one she has been waiting on forever.

I also got 4 more cards in the mail today which was nice but I am just so tired and more than anything I want to talk to D just like I always would.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

On line guest book for Donn

I wanted to post a link to Donn's online guest book and just say how very very much I loved the post made by my Mum

Out deepest sympathy to our daughter Carolyn on the loss of her beloved "Sweety D". Our sympathy also to Donn's family.
God looked around his garden And He found an empty place. And then He looked down upon the earth, And saw your tired face. He put His arms around you, And lifted you to rest. God's garden must be beautiful, He always takes the best. He knew that you were suffering, He knew you were in pain, He knew that you would never Get well on earth again. He saw the road was getting rough, And the hills were hard to climb, So He closed your weary eyelids, And whispered"Peace be thine." It broke our hearts to lose you. But you didn't go alone, For part of us went with you, The day God called you home.
Ray & Lynette Robinson (Australia, TX)

Will it ever stop

I miss Donn so much it hurts to breathe I was having a good last day before going back to school then I got a text msg an as I scrolled through the saved msgs on my mobile phone there is 100s from Donn each one as sweet and loving as the next. He loved to send me the Baseball scores and now I am crying for missing him. I just want to talk to him.
Jacy Damien, Kylie and i repotted the beautiful lillies given to me by the Grannies on DSP today will post some photos later we also bought some herbs and planted them.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Just when I needed it

I got this most beautiful msg from one of my wonderful online friends from DSP it's like she looked into my heart and mind and knew exactly the fears that were there.




[QUOTE=sherryva]Hi Carolyn-
I thought about you this morning and wondered how you are doing, although I am sure I know the answer.

I know there is alot of fuss in the beginning, a fog like state, and people swirling about offering comfort and such- and you wonder how time can suddenly move so slowly. All to quickly, it seems life goes back to normal "for everyone else." People will unknowingly adopt the "it's time to move on" attitude which has far more to do with their sense of discomfort at feeling so helpless to help you, than anything else- follow your own timetable of grieving.

You will have good days and bad- no question- but in the future if you feel that overwhelming sense of lonliness- and the urge to talk about him-relieve the memories etc keep his memories alive- just know there are people out here for you that will be happy to listen, laugh, cry, and help you through, me included.

I promise you, the same memories that are so painful now, will bring you GREAT comfort and peace in the future, just hang in there, one day at a time, and know out of sight doesn't mean out of mind- we are all still thinking of you- and if you need something-be sure to let us know!

Sherry[/QUOTE]

and my reply to her
Sherry there are no words to say thankyou for this message as its exactly how I am feeling while everyone around me is encouraging me to get back to my "normal life" I am thinking I do not have a NORMAL anymore nothing in my life is normal right now.
Your understanding of just how I do feel makes me feel so much better I think I am terrified of everyone thinking I'll be back to my normal self in a day or two.
Anyways your message was perfect and timing spot on as its almost 6am Thursday morning here and later today is Donns memorial service and I am in some ways looking forward to being able to share all my wonderful stories of Donn and I with so many ppl but part of me is saying NO very loudly as I dont want to have to accept that my best friend in the whole world is gone and he is not coming back.

hugs
Carolyn

Sunday, February 01, 2009

He is here with me

there is a blankness a void an emptiness an absence of anything


I know I have suffered a huge loss and inside my heart is weeping but some how its easier I am no longer tortured by images of Donn cold and scared attached to a 100 tubes and machines surrounded by Doctors and Nurses. He/we were/was so scared it broke my heart and now he has gone. Friday 30th January 6.15pm (Texas Time) I was talking to his sister quietly on the phone she was sitting by his side holding his hand as he took his last breathe his heart then stopped beating a few minutes later. It was all so relaxed and calm he was in no pain and we were both telling him we loved him.

They turned the dialysis machine off at around midday and his heart continued to beat well and in fact when Sharian put me on speaker phone his heart pace and blood pressure increased as if it was his last final way of expressing his love for me. After that his blood pressure continued to drop and around 3pm the respirator was removed he never woke or moved and with the sounds of mine and his loved sisters voices in the background he slipped away.

Instantly this sense of calm and peace fell over me and all I could keep saying is he is here with me now he is here with me now.
For as long as I live Donn will forever remain a part of me the very best part.

I love these 2 pieces of writings this first one th eminute I read it I could hear my sweetie D saying the words to me

Togetherness
Death is nothing at all - I have only slipped away into the next room. Whatever we were to each, that we are still. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which You always used. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be the household word that it always was.Let it be spoken without effort. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was there is absolutely unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of Your mind because I am out of Your sight? I am but waiting for You, for an interval, somewhere very near just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before - only better, infinitely happier and forever - we will all be one together with Christ.

As Long as Your Eyes are Blue

by A. B. "Banjo" Paterson

"Will you love me, sweet, when my hair is grey
And my cheeks shall have lost their hue?
When the charms of youth shall have passed away
Will your love as of old prove true?

"For the looks may change, and the heart may range
And the love be no longer fond;
Will you love with truth in the years of youth
And away to the years beyond?"

Oh, I love you, sweet, for your locks of brown
And the blush on your cheek that lies --
But I love you most for the kindly heart
That I see in your sweet blue eyes.

For the eyes are the signs of the soul within,
Of the heart that is leal and true,
And, my own sweetheart, I shall love you still,
Just as long as your eyes are blue.

For the locks may bleach, and the cheeks of peach
May be reft of their golden hue;
But, my own sweetheart, I shall love you still,
Just as long as your eyes are blue.

The Bulletin, 7 Nov 1891


Turn Again To Life

If I should die and leave you here a while,
Be not like others sore undone,
Who keep long vigil by the silent dust.
For my sake turn again to life and smile,
nerving thy heart and trembling hand
to do something to comfort other hearts than thine.
Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine.
And I perchance may therein comfort you.

Mary Lee Hall

Friday, January 30, 2009

Blessed



I am sitting here at loss for words because as sad and tired as I am feeling I am so moved and gladdened by what sitting here next to me. The most amazing basket of beautiful pot plants that were delivered due to the wonderful kindness and support from Fran and the Granny thread. I am so amazed by this beautiful enduring gift. I am going to take great care of them and my daughter Jacy and her boyfriend Damien and I are going to get some new bigger pots for them and repot them and make them bloom they will be a constant bright spot in my home.
I have to say my friends and family here in Perth are simply so amazed by the out pouring of love and support being shown by all my wonderful online friends they are simply blown away by it.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

DSP - Thinking of Carolyn


How was I so lucky to find the most amazing supportive scrapping book site online. The love and support I have been shown by the many many ladies from all across the world has literally taken my breathe away. There are simply no words that could every express jsut how much there kindness has meant too me at this time.

I had to snap a photo of the very beautiful bunch of yellow roses that essee delivered to me yesterday on behalf of many of the wonderful ladies who hang out in the granny thread.

Also the wonderful selection of my layouts of Donn and i feautred on Tina's Blog again simply moved me to tears to all the beautiful cards being made and posted in the gallery on DSP. "Cards for Caro"

Thank you.

About GooSe

I just wanted to added a link here to the wonderful supportive threads on the forum Donn aka GooSe called home on the web .
Frugals World of Simulations Donn loved this forum and spent many many hours since 2000 chatting on line and doing on line gaming with them. I joined the mostly male forum myself in 2001 and was rapibly embraced into the circle of friendship by all the guys and Donn and I spent many hrs playing online games with the guys all chatting over team speak and laughing at each others accents. Donn then also set up an internet radio station and many nights entertained us with his humour and music on the TeXas radio station. There love and support at this time has been so wonderful there words of wisdom and comfort really giving my heart a gentle hug... Thanks guys....
  1. About GooSe
  2. To my mate GooSe

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

how is it possible

how is it possible for me to still be breathing when my heart is so broken short panting breaths between each tear and eyelids lower and i see the face i love so very much and a 1000 images flash across my mind the pain in his voice as they tried to put the catheda in the look on his face when he whispered to me I am so scared "C" and the eyes i love looking up at me and he even with an oygen mask on was determine to say I love you to me . I love you my sweetie D with all my heart and i always will

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Drill from Hell


well I am traumatised by a visit to a Texas Dentist first off all Donn and I had to wait an hr in the waiting room before i get dragged off for an xray of course my gag reflex makes having an xray very unpleasant then the dentist tells me I need a post in my root canal (like in what the hell is a post) but anyway he then proceeds to numb up my mouth and then drills in my tooth for like 30 mins almost non stop and he is using the loudest most horrendous vibrating drill I've ever experienced so I am sitting there in this strange dentist office in a whole other country wondering what on hell is this guy doing. He is totally uncommunicative not saying what he is doing finally he stop drilling and proceeds to put in "post" after that another gagging episode with having an xray to see if the post is in right then he fills its and files it to get it as smooth as he can so its not rough to my tongue. By now I've been in the dentist chair for 90mins and i am reaching breaking point. Finally he says he has finsihed but that the tooth is stil very weak and as soon as I get back to Aust i should get a crown put on it at this point i am almost running out the door. So all of this cost poor sweet Donn $335 and him sitting in the waiting room for 3 hrs.
Donn then insisted on coming home via Starbucks: which I am still slowly trying to drink ot of the left side of my mouth with the little bit of feeling i have there while the other side is so numb I doubt i'll ever get feeling back in it.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Running Around






Donn and I went for a great drive yesterday afternoon we waited till it warmed up left here around 2pm heheh I was still in my pjs till 1 I love days like that. So we headed off to wards the Ranger's Ball Park drove around and stopped took a few pics I went to the gift store at the ball park got an awesome Josh Hamilton t-shirt for myself and a real cute little t-shirt for Noah. We then drove around took some photos of the Dallas Cowboys new stadium that is still being built. From there we drove into the city took a few photos then drove home via sammies got some best sliced beef/pork sandwiches and some Sammy Texas sized french fries that Donn hates me eating in the van on the way home hehehehe so we got 2 serves so one for the trip home ion the car and the others to eat with our sandwiches when we get home.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Rant and Rave

I just feel so ...............everything. After spending almost the entire last 28 hrs at the hospital and finally getting home just now from the over hr drive it takes to get home Donn just called to say the Doctor is sending him home so now i have to get back in the car drive another hour to get him. With really nothing improved in fact I think I can easily say this experience would come to being the worst of my life. Driving alone at 1am in the morning getting totally lost in a city you dont know then have the petrol/gas light start flashing to let you know your almost out is the MOST terrifying experience then sitting with Donn in the ER while he refuses to have the treatment the Doctor recommends is enough for me to say I am DONE. But how can you say your done when the person you want to walk away from is and has been the best friend you have ever had and bought more love and joy into your life than you thought was possible.

But i do owe God a massive thankyou as last night driving the streets at 1am scared lost and running low on petrol guess what I came across yes a good ole 7/11 I have never been so pleased in my entire life to see one. The girl working the counter thought i was a nut I gave her my whole life history while paying for the gas and buying a hot coffee as it was absolutely freezing.

Any way I am off back to collect Donn and to try and be an angel on earth about it by not bitching about anything.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Take 2 on the Moon


ok so I googled how to take Moon photos and read up on what settings to use and ended up on
this site How to take Moon Pics and this is one of the pics I ended up with a real big improvement from the previous photos.

perigee moon


So there was a beautiful big moon here in Texas last night so I spent about an hour outside trying a range of different settings on my camera and this is what I managed to come up with.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Dallas Zoo


We got some amazing photos and it was a really warm day for this time of the yr got to 79F but they did have any motorised carts so I had to push Donn in a 1000 yr old wheel chair with a wonky wheel it was like a 2hr aerobic workout I had sweat dripping off me. However , it was worth it as we really did get some fabulous photos and it sure better than sitting around at the house doing nothing.
This is a layout I did last night for a new challenge they ahving on DSP - take 9 photos on the 9th of each month and make a layout with them.
So this is my Jan 9th layout.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Twilight Movie


well I finally draggged Donn to the movies with me to see Twilight well I have to say I was very disappointed I think Edward is ugly and they did not put any where near enough time into building the intensity of Bella and Edwards relationship. I thought Jacob and James were very attractive and i liked them in in their parts. I thought Bella character was excellent. Rosalie was way too ugly. Alice was good though. Donn thought the first hour was very dull and difficult to follow as he hasn't read the books but then in the 2nd hr he got into the story line more in fact I think he probably ended up enjoying it more thna I did as he had no prior expectations.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Fantastic Day


We just had the best day.... started out with going to Fort Worth Zoo and the weather was perfect.
Donn cheated tho as due to his legs he decided to get one of the motorised carts to get around on was so funny he was a speed demon had me running all over the Zoo but it had a basket on it so was perfect for all our camera equipment and my bag and our drinks.
We used the tripod to snap a few kissy pics of us sun was way too bright but *wink* Donn really enjoyed them.
The animals were all enjoying the sun too and we got some wonderful shots of them really pleased with how they turned out.
Then on the way home around 2.30 we had a late lunch early dinner at Red Lobster I had a 1.5 pounds of snow crab legs with hot melted butter and the best herb biscuits and baked potato ever

Monday, January 05, 2009

Lazy Flaire Sunday



heheh love the title as I started the day fixing up my flair for DSP and then Donn and I sat and watched movies all day we watched
  1. Die Hard (not sure which one)
  2. U.S Marshalls
  3. Star wars II
  4. Star wars III
Plus it has been so cold all day had lovely chicken and dumpling soup for lunch.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

New Makeup


So I had a $20 voucher to spend at Kohls and Donn's wallet with the instruction from Donn to go buy myself something for a change I walked around the store for an hour not being able to decide what to buy when I ended up in the makeup section............well another hr later I now have
  • Flirt! Look of Love Shimmer eye Pencil x 2 I got the black sequin and gold sequin
  • Flirt! Dreamy eyes golden lady eye shadow
  • Flirt! Pretty Easy Foundation
  • Flirt! High Wattage Intense & Creamy Lip colour Covet


So I came straight home and put it all on and Donn snapped a pic for me...