Sunday, October 25, 2009

Just need to come hang out in here I just miss my D and I just made the mistake of listening to his songs he made for me and hearing his voice just bought back that sharp edge grief of simply more than anything wanting to hear his voice hear him telling me the words to comfort me and to make me strong so I can help support Jenny with the tragic accidental loss of her kind wonderful husband Terry.
The thing with My Sweetie D is that he would listen and let me talk out my anger, frustration, sadness with whatever it was work, kids, family friends etc and then he would try and make suggestions to help or give me a different perspective on the situation but the one thing he would ALWAYS say is "keep your chin up" he always wanted to make me smile. There is no doubt in my mind it was our ability and love of making each other laugh that got us through the times apart. I so miss our laughter... but I am doing better I know right now I have been reminded of the early dark grief stricken days but I am clinging on to the steps I've made in going forward. I am eating healthy I have starting walking and in the last 2 weeks lost 2.8 kilos. I've started having my nails done again and even cancel my next session with the grief counselor. So I am really wanting to not take on Jenny's extreme grief and instead be the person she has been for me. Provide warmth, support and a place of hope and normalcy that there will be joy of many types in my life in the yrs to come.

Not to focus on that normally this time of the yr Donn and I would be so excited with only 8 weeks till we got to touch again.
So to plan on how to get through this ext 2 months of Christmas and New Year I am going to ask myself every day " what have I done today to make life better for someone"? just simple things.


Elisabeth said...

Bravo. Just bravo. You are so strong.

Alissa said...

Hey Samm,
I was just thinking about you and stopped by to see how you're doing. It occurred to me that we'd have been starting to tease you and Donn about starting the "countdown" and I thought, this must be a really hard time right now.

Reading your past few blogs, it sounds like you're on the right path towards healing. Your plan to get through the next few months is brilliant. I'm so glad you had the courage to seek out a grief counsellor; you are taking good care of yourself.

Sending you lots of love and strength and big, huge hugs.