Friday, September 25, 2009

school holidays

I've been doing so much better but now I feel tired emotional and i miss Donn stupid incident at work just got to me and its last day of term 3 and a week to Donn's birthday it's normally these holidays when Donn and i start to get really excited about seeing each other as its just 10 weeks till I would normally go to Fort Worth and here i am just feeling like crying and it makes me mad mad at myself mad at the whole world
I just feel like i am trying so hard to be ok and not to feel sad all the time and to start give a damn about how I look and here I am sitting here alone and crying feeling sorry for myself. I need to snap out stop crying and focus on the positives in my life... Like its 2 weeks school holidays I am going to Melbourne to stay with essee, Inky and daggs and they have the best holiday planned out for me so I should be jumping for joy not sitting here in floods of tears.
I just hate it I start to believe that I am dealing with things better and then some special memory or date comes up and I feel like I am back to square one againw ith missing Donn and wanting to talk to him and hear his voice.


Joan said...

Its always the first anniverary dates that hit you and throw you around. Hang in there Caro - you are doing just fine.

Elisabeth said...

Oh honey I had a good cry myself the other day and I don't even have a good excuse for it like you do! You do what you need to for YOU. Naturally you will heavily miss your routines. But you'll pick up new ones along the way and some fun is truly in store for you, so open your eyes to that too. (I just read back what I wrote and I'd better take my own advice too!)
Hey for every anniversary with Donn (and this might be quite a task as I know there are many) why not make a little Christmas ornament (a tiny laminated layout or something) and you can think of each one as you hang them on the tree this year and be thankful for all the time you had together. This year might be therapeutic, next year might make you smile more than cry, and further on it will be a tradition to hang them. Just thinkin' off the cuff. Hugs, lady, as Joan said, you are doing better than you give yourself credit for.