Wednesday, March 18, 2009

A note to my D

Sweetie I am so excited I think you probably know I can hear you teasing me about having Adult ADHD when I got so excited about something I almost sizzle with energy well thats how I have felt since I got home at 6pm tonight and found a big official looking envelope waiting for me in the mail box. Its from the customs at Perth International Airport to say I have a parcel waiting for me and guess what its from your sister. I cant hardly believe it she never replied to any of my emails for the last week and then here is the parcel and what more I had 2 emails from her containing photos of the celebration they had for you in Fort Worth. I am so trying to just focus on the fact she has sent me some of the stuff but on the list of items there is no mention of your flag:( I so wish she had included that as well.
In typing this tho it has just occured to me that in getting this parcel I am suddenly faced with having to go through the agony of accepting you have gone all over again. As my ring or your ring or OUR ring is in that parcel and you loved that ring with all your heart and would get annoyed at me trying to sneak it off your little pinky but I loved it too and wanted too wear it. But you took it off my finger in Dec 1997 and wore it every day ever since. You always said that the C on it stood for COMMITTMENT. I just feel so tired so very tired and I miss you.
Maybe tho for a little while we can both relax a little I've just been so obssessed with getting the stuff from the house I think it was making me a little crazy so hopefully Sharian willget the rest of the stuff in the mail sooner rather than later.
I could keep talking to you forever I just need you so much you always put the balance back in my life. So stay with me love I need you with me until everything has settled and I have all our things.

2 comments:

Elisabeth said...

Carolyn, what awesome therapy to write your thoughts to him. There will be plenty of times you feel the loss all over again, but it just goes to show how deep your love is. I just know he is comforting you in some way and will always be with you.

I think of you every day and hope each day is bringing up a fond memory to make you smile.

Joan said...

What a great idea to write your thoughts to him - it will help you to grieve. Love him always.