My MonGooSe

I always remember being so so amazed at how beautiful and green it was in Texas during the summer so very very different to what it was like in the winter. Which made it so very different to here in Perth when it's during winter everything is so green.
Summer in Texas was warm and balmy green grass and big green leaves on the trees and often a late afternoon shower I have so many many beautiful memories of the 3 trips I took to Texas during the summer.

So just now when one of Donn's friends sent me this photo of his grave site he took yesterday it was such a strange mix of emotions I just miss him so much and feel so so very sad but then the greenery and the new grass growing around his plaque reminds me whether I want it too or not that there is still beauty in life and that things are continuing on as they should.

confused

last day of my holidays today back to work tomorrow and I know it sounds bad but I am really kind of glad as these holidays have been very difficult for me dont get me wrong i've done lots of good things but they have also made me miss Donn so very much and really i am feeling very confused about everything. One of the grannies made a comment on one of my layouts that has me thinking.... the problem is I really have no idea what to do to help deal with my loss is scrapping layouts of Donn the right or wrong thing to do I am even wondering if maybe i need to stop scrapping entirely for a while am I just making it harder for myself by spending so much time scrapping and writing about my feelings and memories should I just not look at all my photos and not spend time on my computer. Am I in denial that Donn has gone by continuing to scrap layouts of the two of us is it making it harder for me to stop missing him so badly. I guess I just wish I knew what is the "normal" thing to do some times I think I feel so overwhelmed by the loneliness that I am going a bit nuts.

Donald and Daisy

Who would have thought that deciding to clean out my wardrobes would reduce me to floods of tears but every piece of my clothing has a memory of Donn attached too it makes it extremely hard to throw things away BUT I did as it is just too depressing having two walk in robes full of clothes that I dont wear anymore because they dont fit me. I kept a few of my very favourite Donn and I shirts ones I am wearing in some of my favourite photos of the two of us. As for them not fitting me well I have put so much weight on since arriving in Texas in Dec last yr that I almost dont recognise myself...... well its time to stop eating and get exercising in stead and when i lose weight well I will go get myself a couple of new outfits. One of the shirts I simply couldnt part with is my Donald and daisy shirt Donn loved this shirt it was one of those fun impulse buys and I remember New Years day 2006 when all the other ladies during the day were all in Harley Black type T_shirts there was I in my pale blue Disney shirt and Donn just loved it.hehehe Donn always loved me looking girly he thought woman should look like woman kind of a bit ole fashion in some ways I guess but he sure made me feel so beautiful.








We were a bit naughty we often would take our photo while driving in the car put the timer on then stick the camera on the dash board some days we would have jsut like one of us in it or cut the tops of our heads off and all sorts of silly shots.

Miss my Music Man

I've been doing so good and now today I am back to just missing my D I miss the joy the giggles the laugh the music right now I feel like I am just going through the motions of living. I know I will be ok but life is not about being ok its about having Adventures. I know its just being on holidays has caught up with me as normally I would be spending extra time online chatting to Donn enjoying being able to hang out with him without having to rush to work and all last week I kept myself busy but then yesterday I ran out of things I wanted to do and decided to update my music folder well of course I cant listen to music without missing Donn and revisiting a million memories which are attached to all our/ my music. He was my music man he was the person who sent me songs and got me listening to all types of music. I have so many songs he sang for me and sound files of his voice recordings of little msgs he did for me and hearing his voice and listening to him laugh and I just miss him all he ever wanted was to make me laugh. Nothing made us happier than to know we made the other smile and laugh. We would tell each other so many many time " you make me laugh more than anyone ever has" .

Happy Easter

Today is a good day and I feel surrounded by love and as I was driving home from the grocery store a short while ago it occurred to me I am doing okay. Donn is going to love me for the rest of my life and will always be with me. I am cooking Roast Pork for the girls and their partners for lunch it smells delicious I've set the table and just for this day right now I am feeling good.
I have had a giggle thinking about the things Donn and I would share for Easter this layout is just one of the many crazy things I did.
Donn did the photoshop of the two of us. So Easter has always been one of the Holidays that we've spent apart but always done fun things to make each other laugh.

Do we have a destiny or is life just a strange series of coincidences? Like today was the first game of the series for Texas Rangers Baseball Donn loved and I do mean LOVED Baseball he started counting down to the start of this season from the last day of the last season in October last year. He followed every bit of Base Ball news during the off season sharing every detail of every trade every and anything to do with the Rangers. He had already decided where he would get a seat at today's game he loved to sit just behind 3rd base at the Arlington Ball Park. He would have been so pumped and excited about today's game as not only was it the start of the season but George Bush pitched the first pitch and Donn was a huge GW fan so it was like a double blow for me that he didnt get to be there for something that would have been a once in alife time experience for him. Alos the rangers won 9-1 and Salty and Josh Hamilton hit Home Runs.

Today was also special for another reason when I got up this morning I had an email from Donn's son Chris who I havent had the chance to talk too since Donn died . This is what the email said

"I dont know if you want to hear from me or not but i just want to tell you that even though i dont know you that well i really love you from the depths of my soul for being with my dad and for all the years you spent with him i just really need you to understand this and i really miss him alot so if maybe you could keep in touch with i think it will help me a whole lot thank you for reading this i hope to hear from you soon i got your email from ricks wife talk to you later love chris"

I only got to Meet Chris a couple of times as he lived in Indiana I was so happy to get his email as I had tried contacting him in a number of ways and not gotten any replies. So I am hoping that talking to Chris and sharing our grief will be beneficial to both of us.

I have been missing Donn so much today some days are better than others then some days are worse than others today has been a bad day. I woke up this morning just wanting more than anything to hear Donn's voice I just miss him and the joy he bought to my life. Work has been rather tough lately and I just miss being able to talk to Donn about it.