Empty Nest

so who do you talk too when all you feel like doing is crying? Who would have known that your 25 yr old daughter moving out into her own home would make you feel so empty and alone in side. It's such a weirdest combination of emotions I am so very proud of her and all she has achieved buying her own apartment and being so happy for her but have an empty bedroom in my home hurts more than I would have imagined. The whole house seems bigger and more lonely and I am just not ready emotionally to deal with this as I really didn't think I would feel this way. I just want it to be everything she has dreamt it would be. I am just going to miss her tremendously as much as we may have not always seen eye to eye she was some one I could talk too and just have the knowledge that I wasn't alone. I just hate the silence that I feel and it's a silence inside my heart so no tv or external noise can feel the silence.

Where does Time Go?

So since I last posted I've been to Texas and back and now I am annoyed with myself for not posting while I was in Texas so I could have the pleasure of rereading what I posted grrrrrr. Guess we were too busy taking over 2000 photos between us in 12 days. So many many many beautiful photos to match the 1000s of laughs and memories we created and shared between the two of us.

So what did I think of flying via Japan.... well it was really quite disappointing as for one I didnt get to leave the airport and the airport was over heated and not really any decent shops to get gifts in. Tho couple of very interesting things was the toilets electronic ones where you can push a button to make the sounds of the toilet flushing to cover up what your doing also another button to push to get a spray of water on your butt or buttocks as the sign read. I experiemented with the sounds but not the water. I also had a real nice shower at the airport in most cleanest bathroom ever which was very refreshing. Another highlight was on the way back from Detroit to Japan I got to sit with the most wonderful young family Steph and her husband who is in the USA Navy based in Japan and there 2 beautiful children Isabella who is 2 and Caidien whi is 7 months they were all so lovely and kind and Isabella sand beautiful songs to me.
Donnwas everything I could have hoped for he looked wonderful and was well it has made me feel so great to spend time with him and see him looking and feeling so good. I love him so very much and it totally destroyed me at the beginning of the yr when he was so sick and I thought I was going to lose him. Just to even think about that makes me feel physically sick. BUT this trip and time together was all about relaxing and cherishing every min of the time we had together. We sat side by side and took photos of the moon, the skyline of Fort Worth at night all our favourite animals at the Fort Worth Zoo not once but twice. We spent a fantastic day at the Texas State Fair where I got to see and hear BIG TEX and we ate....
1. Big Cone of Cotton Candy
2. Big original Corny Dog
3. Deliciously Hot Funnel Cake
4. Big hot plate of Tornado taters
5. Huge Corn on the Cob dripping butter and
6 numerous bottles of water and cups of soda.
Going on the Sky Ride was super cool we got to see all over the fair grounds and took some great photos.
The day we went to the Botanical Gardens we also took some beautiful photos I so love the magic of the gardens I always feel like we wrapped inan extra special band of love and happiness as we stroll through the gardens oh and Donn took the most amazing photo of a dragon fly its so beautiful you can see the wings shimmer.

Something that was totally gross was the silk worm plague that Texas has right now the leaves are eaten completely off from the trees in Donn's front yard and they were thick on the ground and on the tree too the point that you had to run for cover when you were out there in case they fell on you I got a couple on me and Donn has never heard me scream as loudly as I did for him to get them off me hehehehehe. It was also very hot and humid while I was there which was a shame as I had hope to get to experience some real "FALL" weather. However I had so much fun with Halloween and the pumpkins. The pumpkins are truly magical theya re so orange and all such wonderful shapes and the best part I carved my very own Jack O Lantern it was so simple I wanted to carve more(poor Jack is in the trash now tho he broke out with a bad case of Mould).
Oh and of course its always fun to get to spend time with Twister Donn's dog he is so totally different to my little cindy hehehe he always makes me laugh I think every time Donn an di were standing together in the kitchen and Donn would hug me or kiss me twist licks my feet more to the point between my toes hehehehehhe eeeeeeek.

As for Donn(my PRETTY BOY) as i was calling him this trip with all his tough hippy biker pony tail all chopped off he forever makes me smile it's jsut so easy for us to be together we just simply the best of friends who are so comfortable togewther but then he kisses me and I swoon its like we simply made for each other.
Anyways so now its just exactly a week since I left Texas and I am stillwaking up at random hours of the night and reaching for Donn to find that he is not there and it hurts but given the extreme sadness and unhappiness I felt for much of this yr I am determined not to be to sad but rather focus on the wonderful times we had and will have in the future.

Now if I could just get some good sleep and stop been so darn tired everything woiuld be good.