Looking for Direction

well I've been in Texas jsut 2 weeks and yet it seems I've been here forever so traumatic has the 2 weeks been, firstly with Grandma dying the day I arrived, not being there for her funeral and now Donn having spent the last three days in Hospital with Chronic Liver disease and now finally he is home from Hospital but has been up all night with diareah as a side effect of the antibiotic he has to take. Did I mention its christmas eve I will be so glad when its over. Right now I despise everything about America , can you believe it cost Donn $266 last night for 6 prescriptions the antibiotics on its own was $93. So he paid $93 for some tablets that making him sick as a dog. I am hating everything about this situation right now I am feeling suffocated by illness and the smell of illness making my stomach heave and my skin crawl. I love Donn so very much but I just dont know how I am going to cope with having to constantly deal with someone who is sick and going to have to spend so much time focussing on get his medications right and sticking to all the controls as set by his doctor such as no salt and o more than 1 litre of fluid a day. Even then the prognosis is not good and things are going to jsut continue to get worse not better, his liver can not regenerate the only real cure is a liver transplant and I cant see that happening for someone with no health insurance. It's like your a second rate citizen here with the way their health system works. I do know there is absolutely NO way I would ever want to live here. I just feel like my whole life is a house of cards at the moment.
I do not even want to think about my own health right now and the implications Donn's illness may or may not have for me. I will deal with that when I get home.
However I need to regroup pick myself up and try do whatever I can to make a nice christmas for Donn. I just have so much anger inside at the moment its hard to come tog rips with it. I was so pleased to have him home from hospital and now he feels worse than what he did the entire time he was in the hospital.