My Junque Journal

I am so loving putting it together it is giving me a chance to remember so many many many happy memories of Donn and I but oh boy what a mess on my desk I have ribbons ink glue papers EVERYWHERE.

From Rosie

I checked the art gallery this morning and was so touched to find that one of my wonderful friends had made this beautiful layout for me... such a timely act as the days leading up to Donn's first anniversary approach I am feeling his loss more than ever.
"I have always admired Caro's courage for traveling half way around the world to meet Donn. I would have been much too scared; she chose adventure and found love.

This layout was created using Risk Adventure Page Kit and Risk Another Adventure Page Kit by Elizabeth Weaver

Mixed Emotions

I am just really struggling to believe that it is almost 1 year since Donn passed away this time last year we were together and complaining about all the hype on the tv about the inauguration of Obama which is interestingly the day Donn ended up in hospital. So we were sitting in the ER watching the ceremony on the TV sat there half the night through the balls and all. At one point Donn turned to me and looked me right in the eyes and said I am really scared C. It broke my heart as I was so scared too but I had to sit there and make out it was all going to be ok while inside I felt like my whole world was about to tumble down around me. But even then I still wasn't thinking that Donn was about to die I wish I had known so we could have said all the things we wanted too not that I think it would have made any difference as I would still now and every day want more than anything to just talk to him. On the 30th of Jan it will be one year so my art journal is going to be a mixed bag of emotions over the next 2 week.

Stream of Consciousness

I so love these pages of my journals each of them " a stream of consciousness" at the time of completing them. All the pieces of these layouts were designed by Elizabeth Weaver from digital scrapbook place.

Word of the Year

wow tough choice I went with adventure but I think I should have gone with "noise" as at the last session with the grief counselor I talked about how silent i feel my life is silent to the point that there is a blankness inside me that I can hear the silence it deafens me to the point of feeling paralysed by it. So she told me that I need to fill that silence with things about me and for me because that silence is the part of me that Donn filled our laughter, dreams, passion, excitement, adventures, Lyn the counselor suggest I start a new hobby like yoga something that will get me meeting new ppl and doing things I haven't done before because in immersing myself in new activities I will begin to give my life a new direction and fill it with new activities and friends. However she did also say that I need to accept that there will always be a part of me that will be silent as that is my grief over losing Donn which I should welcome and accept as that is the testimony of how great a love we shared. So anyways I am thinking of changing my word of the year to NOISE. Hmmmmm I will ponder on it for a while as I stillreally do like the word adventure.

Happy New Year

So in the last hr of the last day of the last year Donn and I were both alive in and I feel so sad and so ripped off it's like why me.. So I have 40 mins where i can say "My partner Donn passed away in January of this year.... in forty mins I will have to say last yr and maybe it would be ok if i felt like it happened last yr and that I still didn't miss him so much and still feel so sad.... for it may have been 11 months ago but for me nothing has changed I still think of him all the time I still feel like my life is stuck in some sort of purgatory here on earth. I still have no dreams no goals no direction for where i want my life to go....

A ME Dolly

well I just spent 3 hrs making a paper doll and trying to make the face look like mine ahahah hmm I am hoping there is no resemblance as its an ugly looking doll.

Art Journal

I am so looking forward to being involved in this for 2010 hopefully I will complete the whole year and have a great book at the end of 2010. This is my first trial front cover which already I want to change so it may end up being the last page I do.
I also did another test page which I like a little but still not what I am wanting plus it took me over 3 hrs to put it together.
If you want more details the header is a link to the blog about it.

Happy Anniversary

so this time 12 yrs ago I was in a plane flying to Texas to meet Donn after we had met online 6 months previously I was so so so very excited the anticipation, the excitement the nerves but I felt so alive like I was on the brink of a whole new me. So when I finally reached Dumas Texas and walked up the staircase from the tarmac at the airport, I lifted my head and there was Donn looking forme in the crowd of ppl walking up the stairs our eyes connected and then the smiles began. Smiles of pure joy and such a sense of already knowing and loving each other like we had simply been apart from each other for a while and I was coming home. So great was the connection that even now 12 yrs later I am sitting here giggling with remembered joy and all the sweet long loving kisses that saw Donn and I 2 days later with chapped lips and having to get some gel to sooth them hahahahaha. For as long as I live I will never forget that first meeting hearign Donn's laughter seeing how a smile made his eyes twinkle and feeling so instantly at home held within his very tight Texas hug.With him I finally found myself and felt truly complete there was not one single thing about me that he didn't know he knew all my faults and all my strengths and he loved me.. Loved me completely.....

Christmas Eve

Just wanted to post a I love you note to my sweetie D Christmas Eve 2009 you have been with me all day I have thought about you constantly and shared stories of our Christmas Eves with everyone I talked too today. A 1000 wonderful happy treasured memories that make me smile to think of them all. I have missed you so much today remembering the good times makes me smile but it also reminds me of everything I've lost.