Carolyn's Recollections

Week 6

2010-02-07T07:55:00.003+08:00

So week 6 the Journey is focusing on the verb "seek" and in connection to bliss... so far I have created two very different layouts.
All of my art journal layouts can be found here

More of Z

2010-02-07T07:51:00.003+08:00

Elizabeth Weaver is one of my all time favourite designers her connection to colours and the ranger of elements she places in her kits make her designs so much fun to work with.
All of Z great kits can be found at
HERE

Week 5

2010-02-07T07:48:00.001+08:00

This week was rather challenging as it was a very different style of scrapping to what I am used too the verb this week was simplify and the artist was Cori Danning who does very very simple almost colourless layouts so here are my 2 attempts.

Week 4 Art Journal

2010-02-07T07:41:00.002+08:00

I am so loving the art Journal Caravan week 4 was about the verb "play".
The other 2 layouts I did during week 4 simply for the joy of doing them.

My Junque Journal

2010-01-21T12:23:00.003+08:00

I am so loving putting it together it is giving me a chance to remember so many many many happy memories of Donn and I but oh boy what a mess on my desk I have ribbons ink glue papers EVERYWHERE.

From Rosie

2010-01-18T07:45:00.001+08:00

I checked the art gallery this morning and was so touched to find that one of my wonderful friends had made this beautiful layout for me... such a timely act as the days leading up to Donn's first anniversary approach I am feeling his loss more than ever.
"I have always admired Caro's courage for traveling half way around the world to meet Donn. I would have been much too scared; she chose adventure and found love.

This layout was created using Risk Adventure Page Kit and Risk Another Adventure Page Kit by Elizabeth Weaver

Mixed Emotions

2010-01-17T18:22:00.002+08:00

I am just really struggling to believe that it is almost 1 year since Donn passed away this time last year we were together and complaining about all the hype on the tv about the inauguration of Obama which is interestingly the day Donn ended up in hospital. So we were sitting in the ER watching the ceremony on the TV sat there half the night through the balls and all. At one point Donn turned to me and looked me right in the eyes and said I am really scared C. It broke my heart as I was so scared too but I had to sit there and make out it was all going to be ok while inside I felt like my whole world was about to tumble down around me. But even then I still wasn't thinking that Donn was about to die I wish I had known so we could have said all the things we wanted too not that I think it would have made any difference as I would still now and every day want more than anything to just talk to him. On the 30th of Jan it will be one year so my art journal is going to be a mixed bag of emotions over the next 2 week.

Stream of Consciousness

2010-01-11T17:11:00.005+08:00

I so love these pages of my journals each of them " a stream of consciousness" at the time of completing them. All the pieces of these layouts were designed by Elizabeth Weaver from digital scrapbook place.

Word of the Year

2010-01-02T07:45:00.002+08:00

wow tough choice I went with adventure but I think I should have gone with "noise" as at the last session with the grief counselor I talked about how silent i feel my life is silent to the point that there is a blankness inside me that I can hear the silence it deafens me to the point of feeling paralysed by it. So she told me that I need to fill that silence with things about me and for me because that silence is the part of me that Donn filled our laughter, dreams, passion, excitement, adventures, Lyn the counselor suggest I start a new hobby like yoga something that will get me meeting new ppl and doing things I haven't done before because in immersing myself in new activities I will begin to give my life a new direction and fill it with new activities and friends. However she did also say that I need to accept that there will always be a part of me that will be silent as that is my grief over losing Donn which I should welcome and accept as that is the testimony of how great a love we shared. So anyways I am thinking of changing my word of the year to NOISE. Hmmmmm I will ponder on it for a while as I stillreally do like the word adventure.

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T23:15:00.002+08:00

So in the last hr of the last day of the last year Donn and I were both alive in and I feel so sad and so ripped off it's like why me.. So I have 40 mins where i can say "My partner Donn passed away in January of this year.... in forty mins I will have to say last yr and maybe it would be ok if i felt like it happened last yr and that I still didn't miss him so much and still feel so sad.... for it may have been 11 months ago but for me nothing has changed I still think of him all the time I still feel like my life is stuck in some sort of purgatory here on earth. I still have no dreams no goals no direction for where i want my life to go....

A ME Dolly

2009-12-30T17:01:00.002+08:00

well I just spent 3 hrs making a paper doll and trying to make the face look like mine ahahah hmm I am hoping there is no resemblance as its an ugly looking doll.

Art Journal

2009-12-29T18:38:00.004+08:00

I am so looking forward to being involved in this for 2010 hopefully I will complete the whole year and have a great book at the end of 2010. This is my first trial front cover which already I want to change so it may end up being the last page I do.
I also did another test page which I like a little but still not what I am wanting plus it took me over 3 hrs to put it together.
If you want more details the header is a link to the blog about it.

Happy Anniversary

2009-12-27T18:59:00.002+08:00

so this time 12 yrs ago I was in a plane flying to Texas to meet Donn after we had met online 6 months previously I was so so so very excited the anticipation, the excitement the nerves but I felt so alive like I was on the brink of a whole new me. So when I finally reached Dumas Texas and walked up the staircase from the tarmac at the airport, I lifted my head and there was Donn looking forme in the crowd of ppl walking up the stairs our eyes connected and then the smiles began. Smiles of pure joy and such a sense of already knowing and loving each other like we had simply been apart from each other for a while and I was coming home. So great was the connection that even now 12 yrs later I am sitting here giggling with remembered joy and all the sweet long loving kisses that saw Donn and I 2 days later with chapped lips and having to get some gel to sooth them hahahahaha. For as long as I live I will never forget that first meeting hearign Donn's laughter seeing how a smile made his eyes twinkle and feeling so instantly at home held within his very tight Texas hug.With him I finally found myself and felt truly complete there was not one single thing about me that he didn't know he knew all my faults and all my strengths and he loved me.. Loved me completely.....

Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T21:57:00.001+08:00

Just wanted to post a I love you note to my sweetie D Christmas Eve 2009 you have been with me all day I have thought about you constantly and shared stories of our Christmas Eves with everyone I talked too today. A 1000 wonderful happy treasured memories that make me smile to think of them all. I have missed you so much today remembering the good times makes me smile but it also reminds me of everything I've lost.

2009-11-29T21:38:00.003+08:00

D I've had such a great day today and more than anything I wish I could tell you about it and share the photos. Today was Tree day you know the day we put the Christmas Tree up and you watch on the cam or you play music for us. Well I played your Christmas music and we giggled at some of the sound files we made and the Tree looks wonderful it has so many Christmas balls on it I dont know how its standing up. Then we had the early family Christmas dinner it was actually a lot of fun today everyone had a good time. Just kind of thought you were here with me all day helping and sharing the day with us all.

14.2.1998

2009-11-26T20:30:00.002+08:00

I was looking for a photo on a old CD and came across this text file that I had put together on the 14.2.98 to send to Donn and some how on Thanksgiving it seems like a msg from Donn on how very lucky we were to have found each other.

"When i think of how much you mean to me
i stop to count my blessings..
i feel you in my heart,in my soul and in my mind..
and i wonder how i got so fortunate
to have met someone as wonderful as you..
but yet im not able to hold you, touch you or kiss you.
When i look at your face
even from a picture
i cant help but wonder what it would be like
having you as mine...
To love, to touch, to caress
and to look for you at the end of each day...
wanting to please you in every way...
makes the waiting worth while..
waiting all my life for you to come my way
made this journey worth all the pain...
I love you more with each passing day..
you emcompass my heart and envelope my soul..
your my first thoughts in the morning
and my last thoughts at night as i lay my head to sleep..
My heart and soul are yours for the taking when i can be yours...
so baby just know my feelings are deep and strong
and wanting us to be together as we belong..

So what a combination a Texan and a Aussie.....How did it
happened....specially when New2Mirc is not a pickup channel..
or so us OPs in there pride ourselves on telling newbies....
It was the first channel I entered as a newbie knowing nothing about
about Mirc.....and who offered to teach me but a very sexy Texan "Mongoose"
well what hope did I have?? I received beautiful Yellow Texas Roses....
wav files of a gorgeous Texas Drawl....Well nearly 8 months later and
3 weeks spent in Texas on the most romantic adventure of my life....
I've found my Soul Mate...
Later this year The Texan is moving to Australia!!!!!
So stay tuned for the sequel to the most romantic love
adventure since Superman gave up his powers for Lois Lane.

Donn you are my first thought in the morning...my last thought before I sleep.....my dreams both day and night.... and my thoughts in between...you encompass my heart and soul...and you give me reason to go on.....you are my love and my life and i cherish every moment with you...from now until the end of time...I love you baby."

Happy Thanksgiving sweetheart as for me I will always be truly grateful that I got to spend 12 wonderful years with you.

My mushy D

2009-11-01T20:58:00.000+08:00

I am sitting here giving myself a hug from Donn in that I am wearing his favourite jacket and every time I put it on I shut my eyes and see him wearing it and remember how it felt to be in his arms with him hugging me tight. So each time I put it on I just think of it as a hug from Donn I find it really helps.

I also found this part of a msn chat conversation between Donn and I earlier and found myself gigglin that man was such a mushy sweet flirt

10/05/2008 11:42:26 AM GooSe thats when I love you the most
10/05/2008 11:42:26 AM samm why what ya mean
10/05/2008 11:43:53 AM GooSe when I take your picture, you don't EVER EVER tell me to wait so you can "pimpup"; fix your hair, etc.
10/05/2008 11:44:10 AM samm hahahahahahahah
10/05/2008 11:44:30 AM GooSe your smile is so beautiful, you don't have to fix.

2009-10-25T13:00:00.002+08:00

Just need to come hang out in here I just miss my D and I just made the mistake of listening to his songs he made for me and hearing his voice just bought back that sharp edge grief of simply more than anything wanting to hear his voice hear him telling me the words to comfort me and to make me strong so I can help support Jenny with the tragic accidental loss of her kind wonderful husband Terry.
The thing with My Sweetie D is that he would listen and let me talk out my anger, frustration, sadness with whatever it was work, kids, family friends etc and then he would try and make suggestions to help or give me a different perspective on the situation but the one thing he would ALWAYS say is "keep your chin up" he always wanted to make me smile. There is no doubt in my mind it was our ability and love of making each other laugh that got us through the times apart. I so miss our laughter... but I am doing better I know right now I have been reminded of the early dark grief stricken days but I am clinging on to the steps I've made in going forward. I am eating healthy I have starting walking and in the last 2 weeks lost 2.8 kilos. I've started having my nails done again and even cancel my next session with the grief counselor. So I am really wanting to not take on Jenny's extreme grief and instead be the person she has been for me. Provide warmth, support and a place of hope and normalcy that there will be joy of many types in my life in the yrs to come.

Not to focus on that normally this time of the yr Donn and I would be so excited with only 8 weeks till we got to touch again.
So to plan on how to get through this ext 2 months of Christmas and New Year I am going to ask myself every day " what have I done today to make life better for someone"? just simple things.

school holidays

2009-09-25T15:51:00.002+08:00

I've been doing so much better but now I feel tired emotional and i miss Donn stupid incident at work just got to me and its last day of term 3 and a week to Donn's birthday it's normally these holidays when Donn and i start to get really excited about seeing each other as its just 10 weeks till I would normally go to Fort Worth and here i am just feeling like crying and it makes me mad mad at myself mad at the whole world
I just feel like i am trying so hard to be ok and not to feel sad all the time and to start give a damn about how I look and here I am sitting here alone and crying feeling sorry for myself. I need to snap out stop crying and focus on the positives in my life... Like its 2 weeks school holidays I am going to Melbourne to stay with essee, Inky and daggs and they have the best holiday planned out for me so I should be jumping for joy not sitting here in floods of tears.
I just hate it I start to believe that I am dealing with things better and then some special memory or date comes up and I feel like I am back to square one againw ith missing Donn and wanting to talk to him and hear his voice.

Layout of the Day – Me Now

2009-07-25T17:14:00.000+08:00

Layout of the Day – Me Now

so tired

2009-07-23T21:25:00.002+08:00

So I had my first session with Lyn the grief councilor and I just feel so over overwhelmingly exhausted. The hour went by so fast in fact it seemed like 5 mins I mostly cried for the whole time she was a really nice lady the room was very pleasant two large couches to sit on. Lyn asked me if i had ever though of writing mine and Donn's story such that it is so beautiful. The ongoing12 year honey moon never having to deal with the drudgery of every day life. At the end she said given just what i had told her in that one session that i should not waste 1 min feeling guilty about not staying with Donn at the end because Donn loved me so much that he wouldn't want me to feel bad about anything and in fact given the nature of our relationship being long distance that somehow our story went full circle given that I was on the phone talking to him when he took his last breathe. She also said that I need to cry that bottling it up and stopping myself from releasing my pain just takes away from my ability to cope with anything. That where I'm at right now is just where I am at I cant move myself from my pain and that i need to stop feeling bad for crying. I told her the story of how when Donn asked me how old I was I told him I was born in the yr JFK was assassinated so he then went on to ask me a 100 questions about his death which I cheated and looked up the encyclopedia before answering him of course he didn't know that as we were chatting online he just thought i was a slow typist he was simply amazed that I would know so much about JFK later as in a yr or so later when I told him what I had done he thought it was so damn funny of course now days I would have googled for the answers but back in 1997 that was pre google.
At the end I just didn't feel like an hr was long enough to have some one just sit and listen to me talk and cry and laugh about my memories of Donn with out me having to hold back my emotions was wonderful to have some one get how much I miss him and how very sad I feel and some one letting me know that not only is it ok for me to cry but really very desirable . She also asked me or made the comment about me being thankful for being so loved in the context of that many many ppl never get to know the joy and love that Donn and i shared.
Has it helped I am not sure part of me was too upset to really listen to her words of advice so maybe when I am not feeling so tired and so emotionally drained more of what she said will come back to me.

LIke me wonderign if i had been there if I had stayed woudl Donn still be alive today of course he wouldnt he was getting the best medical treatment he knew I loved him if he could have lived he would have. I jsut miss him. I miss us and how we were together we were "the Blur squad", DCCD, Pan and Tink , Rhett and Scarlett, samm and GooSe just miss him.

a Note from a Friend

2009-07-15T07:28:00.001+08:00

I understand how you feel, Caro and this is JUST the place you should be sharing your blues. I do know, a little, how you feel, although no one can know it exactly. Every year we hang ornaments on the Christmas tree and the first time I hung them myself, he was still alive, but dying. I was alone with the tree and the ornaments..and I knew he would never hang them again. It was heartbreaking and I wrote this poem.

My tree is clothed in dark and light
And I sit before it in the night
Remembering how, with loving care,
A child once hung those trinkets there
And though the tree seems fully dressed
Alone, I now must hang the rest
Then the tree with greater love will shine
With memories of that son of mine.
I hang the sparkle from his eyes
That shone each day with sweet surprise,
I hang a gentle heart-shaped kiss
The one that I would always miss.
I hang a bow of loving charms,
And a hug he once held in his arms
Now every light will hold a part
Of all the memories in my heart
For though my grief will never sleep
His heart would break, and he would weep
If we never again felt the Christmas Joy
That was so much a part of my wonderful boy.

But I built new traditions where we honour him and remember him each year, in a positive and happy way. Every time my spirits sink low and I don't feel like celebrating, I remember a mother I met in a grief group whose daughter died on Thanksgiving and she refused to celebrate it. Her whole family wore shirts with the daughter's picture on and picked up McDonalds and ate it by the daughter's grave. It was awful and this was 14 years after the girl died!! Chris loved Christmas and he would be so sad if we didn't celebrate it without him.

Holidays have extra memories - we have to learn to cope with that and be grateful for that. It takes time - this is your first year and you are still limping along.

But - two years ago for CIJ - I did this layout - over 11 years after Chris died... I still grieve and so will you, always.

The journaling says:

For one moment, one, breath,

one heartbeat, I would like to have you back. I want to say I love you one more time and tell you how much I miss you and how much my heart has ached every day since you’ve been gone. I want to take a breath in a world where you are alive and where all the tears are tears of joy.

This is my Christmas Wish...

Random thoughts to catch up

2009-07-14T21:47:00.005+08:00

So it has been over a month since I last posted kind of wish that it's because I am doing better but in fact really doing worse not better I've just seem to have sunk into this terrible sort of sadness that has me just crying at the most random and frequent times. I just want to be miserable I miss Donn and I guess I am angry and resentful that I have to live with out him. Knowing he kept every promise he ever made me just makes me feel even angrier he promised to love me till the day he died he just never told me that that meant I would have to live with out him.

I did find this totally wonderful sound file that Donn recorded of me singing Happy birthday to him and the dog howling to my singing and all you can hear in the bg is Donn laughing it truly is so wonderful being able to listen to him laughing.

I just wonder if I will ever share that kind of joy or happiness again will anyone ever know me and love me again the way Donn did or am I destined to forever be sad and to just look to the day that I am with Donn again.

Right now I feel pretty invisible like I am living on the fringe of everyone else life with out any real direction of my own.
I did have a really wonderful conversation with James Donn's best friend on July 4TH we LAUGHED AND CRIED TOGETHER Donn loved James like a bro and out of every one James really comes closest to feeling my level of grief and loss but hearing his beautiful voice and having him tell me how he loved me as a sister just made me cry harder as he sounds so like Donn and it just reminds me of all I have lost.

I did have the most beautiful dream about Donn and it did bring me a real sense of comfort. I dreamt that I had gone to Fort Worth to visit Donn's grave site and when I got there Crystal Shana's daughter picked me up from the airport to take me to the cemetery when we got to the cemetery I went to the information booth to get directions to Donn's grave site well then I walking along between all the crosses and Donn was walking with me holding my hand kissing me and we were laughing we walked around the cemetery all the while looking for his grave site and then when I woke up I realised Donn didn't know where to find it either as he is not there he is with me.

To give myself a Birthday ay gift from Donn I went through the 100s of cards he has sent me over the yrs and reread all the birthday cards from him for previous yrs they all made me smile. Every one was always with him wanting to make me smile and to let me know how much he loved me.

Then other days when i feel like I want to throw my computer out take down all my photos of Donn put all the reminders away as I just feel overwhelmed by what I have lost and just need to escape from everyone and everything that reminds me . Then other days when I want to reread and listen and watch everything i can just again to feel surrounded in the love that Donn had for me.

Going away with my friends for a few days was a welcomed distraction and sure beats sitting home alone.

I also got the most beautiful gift in the mail from Donn's sister and Mother it was a beautiful angel and silver bracelet that has engraved on it "Nothing is impossible for you if you have faith:.

Altered Life

2009-06-11T21:18:00.003+08:00

So how am I doing hmmmmm not sure I want to think too much about that question. I wish there was concrete proof of what happens after you die. I know different people believe different things. For 45 yrs I've been taught as a Catholic that when you die you go to heaven where you get to be reunited with all your love ones. Well sounds nice and I sure truly want to believe that is the case because the thought of never getting to be with Donn again is simply more than I can bear. Which then makes me also question the concept of angels it makes me feel so wonderful to think of Donn as my special angel who is always with me but how do I know if it really is true or just something we tell ourselves to make the grief just a little easier.
Is it possible as occured in the Ghost Whisperer for one persons spirit to enter into another person is there a chance for Donn to come back to me albeit in another form? Then there is Donn's sister going to see a lady who claims to be able to talk to the recent departed on Saturday and she is convinced this woman can give messages from the dead. All of this sure making me feel a little crazy. I know it is all normal to go through this as more than anything I cant bear to think that all Donn and i will ever get to have is the 11 years we did I need to believe he is with me and we will be together for the whole of eternity.

2009-05-18T17:05:00.002+08:00

I haven't posted in a while which is kind of interesting as over the last few months posting on here has tended to be when I have reached the point of being over whelmed with emotions. I think and I mean "think" I feel differently as in something has altered. Going away too the Gold Coast seems to have given me some mental peace from torturing myself night after night about the last week and a half of Donn's life. It's like that has receded a little from being constantly in my mind and after spending a lot of time at the crop talking about some of the wonderful times I shared with Donn with a lot of the wonderful ladies their it has helped to move the most painful memories further back in my mind. So much so that yesterday I was feeling strong enough to listen to the songs Donn sang for me which then had me in floods of tears hearing his beautiful voice and listening to him pouring out his love for me by singing me mushy love songs. I just miss him I miss having him in my corner I miss having him tell me how much he loves me I miss how he made me feel like i was the most important person in the world to him.

My MonGooSe

2009-04-30T21:31:00.003+08:00

I always remember being so so amazed at how beautiful and green it was in Texas during the summer so very very different to what it was like in the winter. Which made it so very different to here in Perth when it's during winter everything is so green.
Summer in Texas was warm and balmy green grass and big green leaves on the trees and often a late afternoon shower I have so many many beautiful memories of the 3 trips I took to Texas during the summer.

So just now when one of Donn's friends sent me this photo of his grave site he took yesterday it was such a strange mix of emotions I just miss him so much and feel so so very sad but then the greenery and the new grass growing around his plaque reminds me whether I want it too or not that there is still beauty in life and that things are continuing on as they should.

confused

2009-04-27T11:28:00.000+08:00

last day of my holidays today back to work tomorrow and I know it sounds bad but I am really kind of glad as these holidays have been very difficult for me dont get me wrong i've done lots of good things but they have also made me miss Donn so very much and really i am feeling very confused about everything. One of the grannies made a comment on one of my layouts that has me thinking.... the problem is I really have no idea what to do to help deal with my loss is scrapping layouts of Donn the right or wrong thing to do I am even wondering if maybe i need to stop scrapping entirely for a while am I just making it harder for myself by spending so much time scrapping and writing about my feelings and memories should I just not look at all my photos and not spend time on my computer. Am I in denial that Donn has gone by continuing to scrap layouts of the two of us is it making it harder for me to stop missing him so badly. I guess I just wish I knew what is the "normal" thing to do some times I think I feel so overwhelmed by the loneliness that I am going a bit nuts.

Donald and Daisy

2009-04-21T08:53:00.003+08:00

Who would have thought that deciding to clean out my wardrobes would reduce me to floods of tears but every piece of my clothing has a memory of Donn attached too it makes it extremely hard to throw things away BUT I did as it is just too depressing having two walk in robes full of clothes that I dont wear anymore because they dont fit me. I kept a few of my very favourite Donn and I shirts ones I am wearing in some of my favourite photos of the two of us. As for them not fitting me well I have put so much weight on since arriving in Texas in Dec last yr that I almost dont recognise myself...... well its time to stop eating and get exercising in stead and when i lose weight well I will go get myself a couple of new outfits. One of the shirts I simply couldnt part with is my Donald and daisy shirt Donn loved this shirt it was one of those fun impulse buys and I remember New Years day 2006 when all the other ladies during the day were all in Harley Black type T_shirts there was I in my pale blue Disney shirt and Donn just loved it.hehehe Donn always loved me looking girly he thought woman should look like woman kind of a bit ole fashion in some ways I guess but he sure made me feel so beautiful.

We were a bit naughty we often would take our photo while driving in the car put the timer on then stick the camera on the dash board some days we would have jsut like one of us in it or cut the tops of our heads off and all sorts of silly shots.

Miss my Music Man

2009-04-19T16:57:00.002+08:00

I've been doing so good and now today I am back to just missing my D I miss the joy the giggles the laugh the music right now I feel like I am just going through the motions of living. I know I will be ok but life is not about being ok its about having Adventures. I know its just being on holidays has caught up with me as normally I would be spending extra time online chatting to Donn enjoying being able to hang out with him without having to rush to work and all last week I kept myself busy but then yesterday I ran out of things I wanted to do and decided to update my music folder well of course I cant listen to music without missing Donn and revisiting a million memories which are attached to all our/ my music. He was my music man he was the person who sent me songs and got me listening to all types of music. I have so many songs he sang for me and sound files of his voice recordings of little msgs he did for me and hearing his voice and listening to him laugh and I just miss him all he ever wanted was to make me laugh. Nothing made us happier than to know we made the other smile and laugh. We would tell each other so many many time " you make me laugh more than anyone ever has" .

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T10:38:00.004+08:00

Today is a good day and I feel surrounded by love and as I was driving home from the grocery store a short while ago it occurred to me I am doing okay. Donn is going to love me for the rest of my life and will always be with me. I am cooking Roast Pork for the girls and their partners for lunch it smells delicious I've set the table and just for this day right now I am feeling good.
I have had a giggle thinking about the things Donn and I would share for Easter this layout is just one of the many crazy things I did.
Donn did the photoshop of the two of us. So Easter has always been one of the Holidays that we've spent apart but always done fun things to make each other laugh.

2009-04-07T20:48:00.002+08:00

Do we have a destiny or is life just a strange series of coincidences? Like today was the first game of the series for Texas Rangers Baseball Donn loved and I do mean LOVED Baseball he started counting down to the start of this season from the last day of the last season in October last year. He followed every bit of Base Ball news during the off season sharing every detail of every trade every and anything to do with the Rangers. He had already decided where he would get a seat at today's game he loved to sit just behind 3rd base at the Arlington Ball Park. He would have been so pumped and excited about today's game as not only was it the start of the season but George Bush pitched the first pitch and Donn was a huge GW fan so it was like a double blow for me that he didnt get to be there for something that would have been a once in alife time experience for him. Alos the rangers won 9-1 and Salty and Josh Hamilton hit Home Runs.

Today was also special for another reason when I got up this morning I had an email from Donn's son Chris who I havent had the chance to talk too since Donn died . This is what the email said

"I dont know if you want to hear from me or not but i just want to tell you that even though i dont know you that well i really love you from the depths of my soul for being with my dad and for all the years you spent with him i just really need you to understand this and i really miss him alot so if maybe you could keep in touch with i think it will help me a whole lot thank you for reading this i hope to hear from you soon i got your email from ricks wife talk to you later love chris"

I only got to Meet Chris a couple of times as he lived in Indiana I was so happy to get his email as I had tried contacting him in a number of ways and not gotten any replies. So I am hoping that talking to Chris and sharing our grief will be beneficial to both of us.

2009-04-02T19:00:00.000+08:00

I have been missing Donn so much today some days are better than others then some days are worse than others today has been a bad day. I woke up this morning just wanting more than anything to hear Donn's voice I just miss him and the joy he bought to my life. Work has been rather tough lately and I just miss being able to talk to Donn about it.

Be my friend

2009-03-29T09:23:00.005+08:00

You ask me how I'm feeling
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you
You say you have to go

How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see

You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The second I try to speak my heart;
You start squirming in your chair.

Everyone avoids me now,
because they don't know what to say
They tell me I'll be there for you,
then turn and walk away.

Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call you and scream
into the phone,
My God, my soul mate is dead?

No one will let me
say the words I need to say
Why does a person's grief
scare everyone away?

I am tired of pretending
as my heart pounds in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable
but my soul finds no rest.

How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of hearing him struggle to breathe
knowing he was scared and in pain.

You cannot imagine
what is was like for me that day
to place a final kiss upon that cheek,
and have to turn and walk away.

If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.

Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."

Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do too.

I swear that I'll remember
till the day I'm very old,
the friend who sat and held my hand
and let me bare my soul.

~Author Unknown

13 folds

2009-03-24T20:32:00.002+09:00

I have Donn's flag here right behind me on the coffee table with all my sympathy cards and photos it's in a glass triangle box frame still folded exactly as it was by the servicemen at Donn's funeral and I cant stop looking at it, I haven't cried in fact I am feeling very weird but I cant stop looking at it it's like my eyes are drawn too it and I know the importance and significance of it and how very very very special it is and how immensely proud Donn would be of it and I will always always treasure it and keep it safe but its like I was expecting to have a much much stronger reaction too it but really maybe what I am feeling is a sense of relief that it is finally where it belongs. Or maybe with each thing I get I have this hope that it's going to some how stop the pain and I wont feel so empty anymore.

Meaning of the 13 folds in the flag are as follows

Below is the text that is recited by honor guards when folding the American flag at the funeral of America's heroes.

The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life.

The second fold is a symbol of our belief in the eternal life.

The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veteran departing our ranks who gave a portion of life for the defense of our country to attain a peace throughout the world.

The fourth fold represents our weaker nature, for as American citizens trusting in God, it is to Him we turn in times of peace as well as in times of war for His divine guidance.

The fifth fold is a tribute to our country, for in the words of Stephen Decatur, "Our country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right; but it is still our country, right or wrong."

The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie. It is with our heart that we pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

The seventh fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces, for it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our country and our flag against all her enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic.

The eighth fold is a tribute to the one who entered in to the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day, and to honor mother, for whom it flies on Mother's Day.

The ninth fold is a tribute to womanhood; for it has been through their faith, love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great have been molded.

The tenth fold is a tribute to father, for he, too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of our country since they were first born.

The eleventh fold, in the eyes of a Hebrew citizen, represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon, and glorifies, in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

The twelfth fold, in the eyes of a Christian citizen, represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in their eyes, God the Father, the Son, and Holy Ghost.

When the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost, reminding us of our national motto, "In God we Trust."

The Bra Epic

2009-03-21T12:03:00.003+09:00

I didnt go to school on Thursday or Friday because I just felt too emotional and really just wanted to totally focus on each precious gift that had arrived in the mail but then yesterday morning I went to one of the department stores here Big W to buy some bras as they had them out on sale so I go and pick up 2 pairs of very plain practical bras on special and as I am looking at the bras I see this very sexy red black and white lace bra the sort I loved to wear for Donn its my size but twice as expensive as the others I picked it up and decided to buy it I walked 10 metres and turned around and put it back with whats the point I cant show Donn and I dont need nor can I afford it so then I walk off get 10 mts and turn around go back and get it as I hear a little voice say to me but Donn loved you wearing sexy bras go get it so I go back pick it up and walk off again only to change my mind and dump the bra on some random shelf with dont be nuts you dont need it and you cant afford it so off I walk again and again I have something pulling me back to get the bra I grabbed it dumped the two plain bras with a to hell with it this one is bright cheery and I will feel great in it.... at which point I immediately started to giggle and felt like Donn was laughing with me he wanted me to have that bra and while he may never see me wear it I sure am going to be thinking of him and feeling great in it.
When I got home from the store i put it right on and it fitted perfectly and felt so right and now every tiem I think of it and the big bra dilemma I giggle as I think Donn was hanging out withme in Big W he was a HUGE Walmart fan so maybe he has decided Big W is a good substitute so he came with me and made certain i didnt buy any plain boring bra.

tired but peaceful

2009-03-19T16:56:00.002+09:00

I've had a kind of special day today I received notification last night I had a large parcel to pick up from the airport from Donn's sister so this morning bright and early I went and collected it... part of this was having to get it processed by customs at a cost of $50 so I was attended to by this wonderful kind older man who asked me what I do I told him I was a teacher so then he asked me where to cut along story short I teach with a very dear friend of his so then I ended up telling him my life history and he waivered the $50 fee it truly made me feel so good.
So I put the extra large box in the back of the car and played very loud music all Donn's favourite on the way to the car wash I know some times I am a little crazy but I needed to clean the car and I think I just wanted too prolong the sheer pleasure of having the parcel without dealing with the emotion after I opened it. So finally my car is all spotless inside and out so I make my way home carry the box in and put it in the middle of the large coffee table in the lounge room.
Inside apart from Donn's numerous cameras and lens but minus the battery charger for his DSLR camera were his most prized possessions...
His watch that I bought him and has engraved on the back "Donn + Carolyn = Love 3.10.00 (his birthday) he wore that watch ALL the time he loved it.
His Zippo lighter with the Australian flag on it and all the dates I had arrived in Texas engraved on it.
My gold "C ring that I got for my 21st off my mum and dad that Donn had been wearing on his pinky finger since 1997.
A silver coin with a rose carved in one side and "Love is patient and kind... it always protects, trusts, and hopes...Love never fails. Cor 3:24 engraved on the other side Donn carried that coin with him all the time in his pocket with his loose change.
and then finally something I thought had been lost at the hospital but his sister had found in the clothes dryer when Donn died she took his clothes home and washed them and his chain and medallion must have been put in the pocket it was a miracle. It's a St Christopher Medallion which is also engraved that I gave him for his birthday in 1998.
So it has been an extremely emotional day one of a million happy memories of times of seeing and sharing these gifts with Donn. Like the silver medallion used to nestle in his hairy chest and I used to love playing with it when we were laying in bed together until he would grab my hand and tell me to quit it as it was bugging him hehehehehhe
Oh one final thing I talked to Donn's sister this morning and she has also now mailed me Donn's flag so I should be getting that soon too.
So for now I have some mental peace I cried a lot of tears today and I am emotionally drained but I also feel calm and a sense of things being where they should be and where Donn would want them to be. I feel now even more that he is here with me.

A note to my D

2009-03-18T20:38:00.005+09:00

Sweetie I am so excited I think you probably know I can hear you teasing me about having Adult ADHD when I got so excited about something I almost sizzle with energy well thats how I have felt since I got home at 6pm tonight and found a big official looking envelope waiting for me in the mail box. Its from the customs at Perth International Airport to say I have a parcel waiting for me and guess what its from your sister. I cant hardly believe it she never replied to any of my emails for the last week and then here is the parcel and what more I had 2 emails from her containing photos of the celebration they had for you in Fort Worth. I am so trying to just focus on the fact she has sent me some of the stuff but on the list of items there is no mention of your flag:( I so wish she had included that as well.
In typing this tho it has just occured to me that in getting this parcel I am suddenly faced with having to go through the agony of accepting you have gone all over again. As my ring or your ring or OUR ring is in that parcel and you loved that ring with all your heart and would get annoyed at me trying to sneak it off your little pinky but I loved it too and wanted too wear it. But you took it off my finger in Dec 1997 and wore it every day ever since. You always said that the C on it stood for COMMITTMENT. I just feel so tired so very tired and I miss you.
Maybe tho for a little while we can both relax a little I've just been so obssessed with getting the stuff from the house I think it was making me a little crazy so hopefully Sharian willget the rest of the stuff in the mail sooner rather than later.
I could keep talking to you forever I just need you so much you always put the balance back in my life. So stay with me love I need you with me until everything has settled and I have all our things.

what do I do?????

2009-03-17T07:11:00.002+09:00

I dont know what to do I lay awake at night thinking about how much I want mine and Donn's stuff that his sister is meant to be mailing to me its now 8 weeks and she still hasn't mailed it every few days I email her asking her or just dropping her a quick hello always kind and understanding but its like this weeping wound that making me go crazy too the point of laying in bed at night crying and not being able to sleep I dont understand why she doesnt realise how desparately I want mine and Donn's things my ring our photos his favourite jacket the flag from his funeral his watch that i had engraved for him his cameras just so many things and she just doesnt seem to understand how badly it effects me she just keeps telling me how busy she is. I have offered to send the money to cover cost but thats not the issue. I just dont know how to get her to do it and I cant get angry or annoyed with her as then she may never do it. I just feel trapped in this place where I have no control. I know how upset Donn would be and how very frustrated he would be by my having to wait like this. But what do I do or say to make her understand without offending her.

Words to remember

2009-03-14T20:52:00.000+09:00

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always

remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

Whats the point?

2009-03-14T07:10:00.004+09:00

I had a nice day yesterday on my Geography excursion and I have a small group of really nice Yr 12 students. I did take a little pocket camera with me so took a few photos but as I was telling my friend Jen most of the day I felt quite sad as one of the reasons I had grown to love my Geog Excursions in the past is that while the students were busy writing notes and sketching I would take photos of all the amazing scenery around the city to show Donn so this yr I struggled with the day and was really quite glad to have the day over. Even last night I had fully intended taking some night photos but decided what was the point as who would I show them too it's so hard I love photography and taking photos but so much of that was that i shared them with Donn he was my audience we spent hrs sharing photos with each other and challenging each other to improve and get different types of shots whether they be macro of flowers or different angles of the pets etc.
So every time I pick my camera up my heart aches even more as it's like I am asking myself why are you bothering taking these no one cares and I cant show them to Donn so whats the point?

just blah

2009-03-11T20:51:00.002+09:00

I want to write how I feel but the thing is its like there is this emptiness a nothingness I miss Donn and the joy and the anticipation of looking forward to talking to him to the shared laughter I just miss him. Its like for 11 yrs I counted down towards the day Donn and I would get to be together again and now I am counting backwards from the day we last got to touch and it makes me want to be physically sick so painful is that last memory. I just feel so very alone.

Hall of Fame

2009-03-05T19:12:00.005+09:00

well I am tickled pink I just logged on to the Granny thread and this was the first post I saw. This was posted by the kindest most wonderful lady called Mars. She is such an amazing lady always has time to comment on every ones layouts and posts. Then their is Erica who moved my layout into the Hall of Fame another truly generous kind lady who Ia m going to get to meet at the Queensland Crop in May.

I am so pleased that this particular layout was chosen as it really connected with me as I was doing it as Donn and i sent so many cards and letters to each other that it jsut seems fitting to have this layout recognised as being special.

Not feeling so good

2009-03-02T20:34:00.002+09:00

So I had all these plans to keep myself really busy this 3 day weekend but instead I wake up yesterday morning feeling totally unwell so rushing back and forward to the toilet all day and feeling nauseous so I didnt get to do half of what I wanted and spent most of the day home alone which right now I cant cope with and then again today I was meant to go out for Lunch with friends but still felt unwell so again I spent the day home alone and just feeling so alone and how long can I expect my friends and family to want to listen to me cry . Today I got angry and told Donn I hated him for doing this to me he had no right leaving me. I dont want to be this sad lonely person but at times I get to feeling so sad I cant barely breathe. I just dont know what to do with myself.Plus I just feel like no one understands how can they unless they have lost the love of their life there #1 person. Donn was my person he loved me more than anyone he was the person I didnt have to censor my thoughts my emotions what I felt he knew about sometimes even before I recognised what I was thinking and feeling he knew me so well. I just miss him I dreamt about him for the first time last night I cant remember what it was about all I do remember is waking up abruptly feeling like I was looking deep into his eyes. Like I opened my eyes and he was so close to me that all I could see were his beautiful blue eyes.

Not an Ordinary Day

2009-02-25T06:41:00.007+09:00

So La Trice said at the Military service yesterday "as I have John's flag, (her husband Donn's father)Carolyn will have Donn's flag". My Sweetie D's ashes were interned with a military service yesterday at the Fort Worth Dallas National Cemetery and tho I could not be there in person I was very much there in my thoughts and heart. I am also very very grateful to Rick and Carol who attended the funeral and Carol for taking photographs for me. It means more to me that words can describe that Donn's mother wants me to have Donn's flag for me its the acknowledgment of the deep love and commitment that Donn and I shared. A love that La Trice got to see and share with us on many occasions throughout the 11 yrs. So I had to mark this day by doing something special it could NOT be just another day. So I wanted to do things that I knew Donn would love too and things that would make me feel more connected to him. So I started my day with a Trip to the Ocean as it is standing in the waters of the Indian Ocean that I can feel most connected to all parts of the World . Plus one of the happiest adventures Donn and I shared was swimming in the Atlantic Ocean at Myrtle Beach South Carolina.
From walking along the beach sharing my memories of Donn with my good friend Pam we then drove into Fremantle. Donn loved the stories and photos I sent him of our historic wharf city. We walked around the fishing boat wharf and ended up eating lunch at Joe's Fish Shack. I had the chilli mussles one of my favourite things to eat that Donn always thought was funny. Also one of our most favourite places to eat was at Red Lobster where we would have all you can eat crab legs.
Then on the way home from Fremantle we stopped in and picked up my new computer and I came home and set it up. Some thing else that normally I would be asking Donn a million questions about and wanting him to find programs and bits and pieces for me.

So this was NOT an ordinary day it was the kind of day that Donn and I would have loved. A day where the feeling of missing him etched just that much deeper into my heart.

Hey D guess what?

2009-02-19T21:23:00.002+09:00

So my computer finally refused to turn on this morning and it just over whelmed me as it seemed jsut another loss of connection to you. So much of whats was on my computer was us. The games we played together the many emails msgs and graphics we had shared so many experiences so much love so much laughter. While I have backed up most of it I am sure there is things I've missed and I hate the thought of losing one single thing we had shared. One single smile we had made for each other. Over the last two weeks looking through all the folders on my computers I've found graphics songs notes all sent by me you us all so filled with love and joy. Anyway I went down to the computer store after work and I am taking delievery of a brand new one on Monday haahahah you know how i get when I have computer issues like a bear with a sore tooth. I sure am going to miss having you to help me set it all up.

Just really miss my D

2009-02-16T20:32:00.002+09:00

Each day is just so long I miss D so much it's just so unbearable I go through the motions of doing what I have always done. But today after school I did what I have done for so long checked my mobile phone for text msgs as every day D would send me 2 or 3 msgs during the day that because of being so busy at work I normally didn't get to read them till I was sitting in the car at the end of the day. Just sweet silly msgs just meant to make me smile even the Base Ball scores for our loved Texas Rangers.. Or even jsut one word we had so many of our own words which were really our way of saying I love you . Lots of these words started as the way I would say them would make Donn laugh so he would copy my accent. Over 11 yrs we had created our own love language.
I just dont know how I will ever stop missing him... He is my best friend the love of my life.

Still be gone

2009-02-12T18:13:00.002+09:00

I've just spent 20 minutes sobbing on the phone to my Mum I had a terrible night sleep last night thinking about how I really want to go to Donn's military memorial service on Monday the 23rd of Feb and arguing with myself about the pros and cons of going. The cost the distance the grief the fact it wont change anything he will still be gone. So I know I cant go but I just miss him and I want to get my things from his house and go through our things and not have to rely on other ppl to do it and then have to wait for them to mail it too me.

Not great but ok

2009-02-09T20:45:00.002+09:00

Well had my first day back at school today and it was just ok was very hard for me to concentrate and focus and was hard work smiling and pretending I was ok where really being there was no more of a distraction than being busy at home. Just so many things make me think of my D I just miss him so very much.

But I do think he is working his magic for me Jacy got the promotion at JB today one she has been waiting on forever.

I also got 4 more cards in the mail today which was nice but I am just so tired and more than anything I want to talk to D just like I always would.

On line guest book for Donn

2009-02-08T16:07:00.001+09:00

I wanted to post a link to Donn's online guest book and just say how very very much I loved the post made by my Mum

Out deepest sympathy to our daughter Carolyn on the loss of her beloved "Sweety D". Our sympathy also to Donn's family.
God looked around his garden And He found an empty place. And then He looked down upon the earth, And saw your tired face. He put His arms around you, And lifted you to rest. God's garden must be beautiful, He always takes the best. He knew that you were suffering, He knew you were in pain, He knew that you would never Get well on earth again. He saw the road was getting rough, And the hills were hard to climb, So He closed your weary eyelids, And whispered"Peace be thine." It broke our hearts to lose you. But you didn't go alone, For part of us went with you, The day God called you home.
Ray & Lynette Robinson (Australia, TX)

Will it ever stop

2009-02-08T16:02:00.002+09:00

I miss Donn so much it hurts to breathe I was having a good last day before going back to school then I got a text msg an as I scrolled through the saved msgs on my mobile phone there is 100s from Donn each one as sweet and loving as the next. He loved to send me the Baseball scores and now I am crying for missing him. I just want to talk to him.
Jacy Damien, Kylie and i repotted the beautiful lillies given to me by the Grannies on DSP today will post some photos later we also bought some herbs and planted them.

Just when I needed it

2009-02-05T05:47:00.001+09:00

I got this most beautiful msg from one of my wonderful online friends from DSP it's like she looked into my heart and mind and knew exactly the fears that were there.

[QUOTE=sherryva]Hi Carolyn-
I thought about you this morning and wondered how you are doing, although I am sure I know the answer.

I know there is alot of fuss in the beginning, a fog like state, and people swirling about offering comfort and such- and you wonder how time can suddenly move so slowly. All to quickly, it seems life goes back to normal "for everyone else." People will unknowingly adopt the "it's time to move on" attitude which has far more to do with their sense of discomfort at feeling so helpless to help you, than anything else- follow your own timetable of grieving.

You will have good days and bad- no question- but in the future if you feel that overwhelming sense of lonliness- and the urge to talk about him-relieve the memories etc keep his memories alive- just know there are people out here for you that will be happy to listen, laugh, cry, and help you through, me included.

I promise you, the same memories that are so painful now, will bring you GREAT comfort and peace in the future, just hang in there, one day at a time, and know out of sight doesn't mean out of mind- we are all still thinking of you- and if you need something-be sure to let us know!

Sherry[/QUOTE]

and my reply to her
Sherry there are no words to say thankyou for this message as its exactly how I am feeling while everyone around me is encouraging me to get back to my "normal life" I am thinking I do not have a NORMAL anymore nothing in my life is normal right now.
Your understanding of just how I do feel makes me feel so much better I think I am terrified of everyone thinking I'll be back to my normal self in a day or two.
Anyways your message was perfect and timing spot on as its almost 6am Thursday morning here and later today is Donns memorial service and I am in some ways looking forward to being able to share all my wonderful stories of Donn and I with so many ppl but part of me is saying NO very loudly as I dont want to have to accept that my best friend in the whole world is gone and he is not coming back.

hugs
Carolyn

He is here with me

2009-02-01T04:50:00.005+09:00

there is a blankness a void an emptiness an absence of anything

I know I have suffered a huge loss and inside my heart is weeping but some how its easier I am no longer tortured by images of Donn cold and scared attached to a 100 tubes and machines surrounded by Doctors and Nurses. He/we were/was so scared it broke my heart and now he has gone. Friday 30th January 6.15pm (Texas Time) I was talking to his sister quietly on the phone she was sitting by his side holding his hand as he took his last breathe his heart then stopped beating a few minutes later. It was all so relaxed and calm he was in no pain and we were both telling him we loved him.

They turned the dialysis machine off at around midday and his heart continued to beat well and in fact when Sharian put me on speaker phone his heart pace and blood pressure increased as if it was his last final way of expressing his love for me. After that his blood pressure continued to drop and around 3pm the respirator was removed he never woke or moved and with the sounds of mine and his loved sisters voices in the background he slipped away.

Instantly this sense of calm and peace fell over me and all I could keep saying is he is here with me now he is here with me now.
For as long as I live Donn will forever remain a part of me the very best part.

I love these 2 pieces of writings this first one th eminute I read it I could hear my sweetie D saying the words to me

Togetherness
Death is nothing at all - I have only slipped away into the next room. Whatever we were to each, that we are still. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which You always used. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be the household word that it always was.Let it be spoken without effort. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was there is absolutely unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of Your mind because I am out of Your sight? I am but waiting for You, for an interval, somewhere very near just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before - only better, infinitely happier and forever - we will all be one together with Christ.

As Long as Your Eyes are Blue

by A. B. "Banjo" Paterson

"Will you love me, sweet, when my hair is grey

And my cheeks shall have lost their hue?
When the charms of youth shall have passed away
Will your love as of old prove true?

"For the looks may change, and the heart may range
And the love be no longer fond;
Will you love with truth in the years of youth
And away to the years beyond?"

Oh, I love you, sweet, for your locks of brown
And the blush on your cheek that lies --
But I love you most for the kindly heart
That I see in your sweet blue eyes.

For the eyes are the signs of the soul within,
Of the heart that is leal and true,
And, my own sweetheart, I shall love you still,
Just as long as your eyes are blue.

For the locks may bleach, and the cheeks of peach
May be reft of their golden hue;
But, my own sweetheart, I shall love you still,
Just as long as your eyes are blue.

The Bulletin, 7 Nov 1891

Turn Again To Life

If I should die and leave you here a while,
Be not like others sore undone,
Who keep long vigil by the silent dust.
For my sake turn again to life and smile,
nerving thy heart and trembling hand
to do something to comfort other hearts than thine.
Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine.
And I perchance may therein comfort you.

Mary Lee Hall

Blessed

2009-01-30T04:21:00.003+09:00

I am sitting here at loss for words because as sad and tired as I am feeling I am so moved and gladdened by what sitting here next to me. The most amazing basket of beautiful pot plants that were delivered due to the wonderful kindness and support from Fran and the Granny thread. I am so amazed by this beautiful enduring gift. I am going to take great care of them and my daughter Jacy and her boyfriend Damien and I are going to get some new bigger pots for them and repot them and make them bloom they will be a constant bright spot in my home.
I have to say my friends and family here in Perth are simply so amazed by the out pouring of love and support being shown by all my wonderful online friends they are simply blown away by it.

DSP - Thinking of Carolyn

2009-01-29T07:28:00.004+09:00

How was I so lucky to find the most amazing supportive scrapping book site online. The love and support I have been shown by the many many ladies from all across the world has literally taken my breathe away. There are simply no words that could every express jsut how much there kindness has meant too me at this time.

I had to snap a photo of the very beautiful bunch of yellow roses that essee delivered to me yesterday on behalf of many of the wonderful ladies who hang out in the granny thread.

Also the wonderful selection of my layouts of Donn and i feautred on Tina's Blog again simply moved me to tears to all the beautiful cards being made and posted in the gallery on DSP. "Cards for Caro"

Thank you.

About GooSe

2009-01-29T07:20:00.002+09:00

I just wanted to added a link here to the wonderful supportive threads on the forum Donn aka GooSe called home on the web .
Frugals World of Simulations Donn loved this forum and spent many many hours since 2000 chatting on line and doing on line gaming with them. I joined the mostly male forum myself in 2001 and was rapibly embraced into the circle of friendship by all the guys and Donn and I spent many hrs playing online games with the guys all chatting over team speak and laughing at each others accents. Donn then also set up an internet radio station and many nights entertained us with his humour and music on the TeXas radio station. There love and support at this time has been so wonderful there words of wisdom and comfort really giving my heart a gentle hug... Thanks guys....

how is it possible

2009-01-27T04:49:00.002+09:00

how is it possible for me to still be breathing when my heart is so broken short panting breaths between each tear and eyelids lower and i see the face i love so very much and a 1000 images flash across my mind the pain in his voice as they tried to put the catheda in the look on his face when he whispered to me I am so scared "C" and the eyes i love looking up at me and he even with an oygen mask on was determine to say I love you to me . I love you my sweetie D with all my heart and i always will

Drill from Hell

2009-01-20T04:57:00.003+09:00

well I am traumatised by a visit to a Texas Dentist first off all Donn and I had to wait an hr in the waiting room before i get dragged off for an xray of course my gag reflex makes having an xray very unpleasant then the dentist tells me I need a post in my root canal (like in what the hell is a post) but anyway he then proceeds to numb up my mouth and then drills in my tooth for like 30 mins almost non stop and he is using the loudest most horrendous vibrating drill I've ever experienced so I am sitting there in this strange dentist office in a whole other country wondering what on hell is this guy doing. He is totally uncommunicative not saying what he is doing finally he stop drilling and proceeds to put in "post" after that another gagging episode with having an xray to see if the post is in right then he fills its and files it to get it as smooth as he can so its not rough to my tongue. By now I've been in the dentist chair for 90mins and i am reaching breaking point. Finally he says he has finsihed but that the tooth is stil very weak and as soon as I get back to Aust i should get a crown put on it at this point i am almost running out the door. So all of this cost poor sweet Donn $335 and him sitting in the waiting room for 3 hrs.
Donn then insisted on coming home via Starbucks: which I am still slowly trying to drink ot of the left side of my mouth with the little bit of feeling i have there while the other side is so numb I doubt i'll ever get feeling back in it.

Running Around

2009-01-19T03:10:00.006+09:00

Donn and I went for a great drive yesterday afternoon we waited till it warmed up left here around 2pm heheh I was still in my pjs till 1 I love days like that. So we headed off to wards the Ranger's Ball Park drove around and stopped took a few pics I went to the gift store at the ball park got an awesome Josh Hamilton t-shirt for myself and a real cute little t-shirt for Noah. We then drove around took some photos of the Dallas Cowboys new stadium that is still being built. From there we drove into the city took a few photos then drove home via sammies got some best sliced beef/pork sandwiches and some Sammy Texas sized french fries that Donn hates me eating in the van on the way home hehehehe so we got 2 serves so one for the trip home ion the car and the others to eat with our sandwiches when we get home.

Rant and Rave

2009-01-15T08:57:00.002+09:00

I just feel so ...............everything. After spending almost the entire last 28 hrs at the hospital and finally getting home just now from the over hr drive it takes to get home Donn just called to say the Doctor is sending him home so now i have to get back in the car drive another hour to get him. With really nothing improved in fact I think I can easily say this experience would come to being the worst of my life. Driving alone at 1am in the morning getting totally lost in a city you dont know then have the petrol/gas light start flashing to let you know your almost out is the MOST terrifying experience then sitting with Donn in the ER while he refuses to have the treatment the Doctor recommends is enough for me to say I am DONE. But how can you say your done when the person you want to walk away from is and has been the best friend you have ever had and bought more love and joy into your life than you thought was possible.

But i do owe God a massive thankyou as last night driving the streets at 1am scared lost and running low on petrol guess what I came across yes a good ole 7/11 I have never been so pleased in my entire life to see one. The girl working the counter thought i was a nut I gave her my whole life history while paying for the gas and buying a hot coffee as it was absolutely freezing.

Any way I am off back to collect Donn and to try and be an angel on earth about it by not bitching about anything.

Take 2 on the Moon

2009-01-12T11:29:00.002+09:00

ok so I googled how to take Moon photos and read up on what settings to use and ended up on
this site How to take Moon Pics and this is one of the pics I ended up with a real big improvement from the previous photos.

perigee moon

2009-01-12T08:35:00.002+09:00

So there was a beautiful big moon here in Texas last night so I spent about an hour outside trying a range of different settings on my camera and this is what I managed to come up with.

Dallas Zoo

2009-01-11T02:06:00.002+09:00

We got some amazing photos and it was a really warm day for this time of the yr got to 79F but they did have any motorised carts so I had to push Donn in a 1000 yr old wheel chair with a wonky wheel it was like a 2hr aerobic workout I had sweat dripping off me. However , it was worth it as we really did get some fabulous photos and it sure better than sitting around at the house doing nothing.
This is a layout I did last night for a new challenge they ahving on DSP - take 9 photos on the 9th of each month and make a layout with them.
So this is my Jan 9th layout.

Twilight Movie

2009-01-09T08:18:00.001+09:00

well I finally draggged Donn to the movies with me to see Twilight well I have to say I was very disappointed I think Edward is ugly and they did not put any where near enough time into building the intensity of Bella and Edwards relationship. I thought Jacob and James were very attractive and i liked them in in their parts. I thought Bella character was excellent. Rosalie was way too ugly. Alice was good though. Donn thought the first hour was very dull and difficult to follow as he hasn't read the books but then in the 2nd hr he got into the story line more in fact I think he probably ended up enjoying it more thna I did as he had no prior expectations.

Fantastic Day

2009-01-08T21:47:00.005+09:00

We just had the best day.... started out with going to Fort Worth Zoo and the weather was perfect.
Donn cheated tho as due to his legs he decided to get one of the motorised carts to get around on was so funny he was a speed demon had me running all over the Zoo but it had a basket on it so was perfect for all our camera equipment and my bag and our drinks.
We used the tripod to snap a few kissy pics of us sun was way too bright but *wink* Donn really enjoyed them.
The animals were all enjoying the sun too and we got some wonderful shots of them really pleased with how they turned out.
Then on the way home around 2.30 we had a late lunch early dinner at Red Lobster I had a 1.5 pounds of snow crab legs with hot melted butter and the best herb biscuits and baked potato ever

Lazy Flaire Sunday

2009-01-05T10:58:00.004+09:00

heheh love the title as I started the day fixing up my flair for DSP and then Donn and I sat and watched movies all day we watched

Die Hard (not sure which one)
U.S Marshalls
Star wars II
Star wars III

Plus it has been so cold all day had lovely chicken and dumpling soup for lunch.

New Makeup

2009-01-04T08:11:00.002+09:00

So I had a $20 voucher to spend at Kohls and Donn's wallet with the instruction from Donn to go buy myself something for a change I walked around the store for an hour not being able to decide what to buy when I ended up in the makeup section............well another hr later I now have

Flirt! Look of Love Shimmer eye Pencil x 2 I got the black sequin and gold sequin
Flirt! Dreamy eyes golden lady eye shadow
Flirt! Pretty Easy Foundation
Flirt! High Wattage Intense & Creamy Lip colour Covet

So I came straight home and put it all on and Donn snapped a pic for me...

Meeting Online Friends

2008-12-31T07:56:00.006+09:00

Well Donn and I set off to San Antonio midday Friday 26th in a very nice little red Ford Focus man what a smooth ride. We got hung up in bad traffic due to a major wreck on the Hway going in the opposite direction, everyone on our side was slowing down to look. I did take some awesome sunset photos through the window of the car as we were driving. We arrived at the Alamo Inn just before 6 and we were both delighted with the friendliness of the owner of the motel and the cleaniliness of the room. After we setttled in we headed off down town San Antonio to try out a Mexican restaurant recommended by Karen unfortunately it was so busy all I got to see was the beautiful Nativity set they had at the entrance. By this time we were tired and ready to eat we ended up at the most revolting "Church's chicken place.

Saturday I was so excited as finally I was getting to meet Karen and Scamp, Donn wasnt feeling well and he decided to stay and rest so it was just the three of us ladies off to spend the day together.

We started with the Gunether House and King William Historic Disctrict which was amazing we then went to the Zoo where we were all kindred spirits with our love of photography and trying to get the perfect photo. It really was totally wonderful getting to meet them both something I will treasure for a long time to come.

Alamo Inn

2008-12-23T07:33:00.003+09:00

woohoo I am so excited Donn and I have booked our car and motel for San Antonio we leaving on the 26th and returning on the 29th. We are staying at the Alamo Inn (click on title to go to Inn website.)

I am sitting here drinking an eggnog Starbucks coffee yummmmmmmmmm and its freezing out side today like 1 degree celcius brr. Donn an di went to Walmart earlier and was so cold it was hard to breathe. So we called in at Star bucks on the way home and as usual I couldnt decide what to get so I ordered 3 tall coffees instead of 1 venti.
I got a gingerbread latte, a white chocolate mocha and a eggnog.

I also went up the mall earlier and got Mum and Carli a Christmas sweater I hope they like them they very nice and Donn and i liked them both.

I also discovered the public library is like 2 mins away so going to go get some books to read.

Oh and I bought a cheap christmas tree from Kohls yesterday hehehe was a little tardy on foliage when we got it out of the box. I took this photo with Donn's camera.

Vitamin Water

2008-12-21T13:19:00.006+09:00

well I've been in Texas jsut over 48 hrs and never felt better almost no jet lag and I put it all down to vitamin water as we almost been on the go non stop since I got here and i really haven't felt tired at all.
It is really wonderful to be with Donn but I am concerned about his health he has lost a great deal of weight since i have seen him last but his legs and stomach are still very swollen with fluid retention. The wound on his leg is still causing him a great deal of pain as well. How ever despite that he is in good spirits and so very happy to have me here. As usual he hadnt managed to organise himself to get everything done like i had asked him to do so i spent the last two day sorting the house and laundry to the way I like it.
We did find the time to buy ourselves new santa hats I love mine as the pom pom is extended on a a string its so fun.
I had my first star bucks today and couldnt decide which one to have so ended up ordering too mall ones a Chocolate truffle and a white chocolate mocha. Oh and to make it more special Donn and i had massive big choc chip cookies feeled with frosting talk about a sugar fix zzzzzt zzzzzzzzzzzzzzt
We then had to go to Walgreens where i found the greatest doggy santa suit hehehehe poor twister he was very patient with me.

Computer Frustrations

2008-11-26T20:16:00.000+09:00

I got home from work yesterday and was on my computer and notice a couple weird little glitches in what it was doing but didn't think much of it then msn wouldn't connect again just assumed that it was a problem with msn I asked my daughter who had been on my computer earlier ion the day if she had changed any settings she promised me she hadn't. So I turned my puter off and went to bed. Turned it on this morning and tried to connect to msn and no go and then my anti virus program was saying it wasnt working so I tried a couple of things ot see if i could fix it ended up uninstalling msn and dl another version but still nada at this point i had to go to work. So I got home from work today and fiddle for another hr and still nothing then windows update tells me there is an issue with the date and time on my computer........... YES my lovely daughter had been planning her Aug 2009 holiday yesterday had managed to change the date on the computer to August 2009 it took me 2 seconds to fix and for everything to be working normally this about after almost 3 hrs of frustration uninstalling and reinstalling programs.

Cancelled My subscription

2008-11-24T18:56:00.002+09:00

well probably not the smartest thing I've ever done but I have decided not to go to weight watchers till I come back from Texas really don't want to use it as an excuse to eat badly tho. So I guess we'll see how I go.

@ the Zoo

2008-11-23T20:59:00.001+09:00

Carli and I went to the Zoo this afternoon after dropping the exams off at the University we had some fun at the Otter enclosure taking photos of ourselves in the reflection of the water.

I'm Done

2008-11-23T11:23:00.000+09:00

I have finally finished marking all the exam papers was a real struggle towards the end but on the whole this year they were very straight forward to mark.
I am going to go drop the papers off at the University later and may ball in at the Zoo to see if I can see the new baby tiger cubs.

Quote of today

2008-11-21T06:46:00.001+09:00

What you get makes a living.
What you give makes a life.

Originally Posted by Fulltime RVer on the Granny thread on DSP

Tired

2008-11-19T20:20:00.004+09:00

Wow Marking the TEE exams is such a full on experience marking 176 different students exam papers each paper has 18 questions of varying length answers from 2 lines to 2 pages so in ten days I have to mark a total of 3168 questions. On top of that I also have to go to school and work all day. So from 8-3.30 school then 4-9.30pm marking very day. But it is a great experience and I am totally aware all the time that it's some young persons hopes and dreams that I am impacting on with the results they get and the choices they get to make for their future.
It also helps to make me a better teacher by providing a greater understanding of the extent of knowledge my students need to successfully answer the exam.
It's also well paid so gives a nice bonus payment for christmas.

Great Quote

2008-11-18T07:42:00.001+09:00

'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.' Something good will happen to you today; some thing that you have been waiting to hear.'

Random Act of Kindness

2008-11-18T06:26:00.002+09:00

Every now and again something wonderful happens that restores your faith in humans and motivates you to be a better person yourself. Recently on my very favourite scrapbooking forum they ran a special crop to raise money for Breast Cancer that when you registered to join the crop and paid your $20 donation your user name in the forum was changed to Pink well this year I simply could not afford to join in and as more and more names changed to pink I was feeling increasingly more embarrassed about not participating to the point I voiced my feelings about it in my favourite thread of all time the Granny Thread and with in the hour I had received many messages of support and one message insisting that I be the guest of one of the very wonderful kind ladies from the Granny thread next thing I know she has paid for me to attend.
I got to join in the wonderful fun and activities of the crop including getting all the wonderful freebies they gave away to the participants. Now this wonderful generous lady asked for nothing other than to remain anonymous so whilst I have privately thanked her no one else is aware of her generosity. I just hope she knows that one day I am going to repay this kindness by doing the exact same thing for someone else. She has inspired me to be a better person so I really feel that I have been truly blessed by the gift she gave me.

Noahs First Christmas

2008-11-17T06:32:00.002+09:00

What a beautiful way to start off the joy of Christmas than to see this cheeky happy innocent smile of my little Great nephew. But what makes this even more special is the joy I know that is being felt by his Mummy and Daddy while taking this photo.

2008-11-07T20:00:00.000+09:00

I'm tired and feeling a little stir crazy I am feeling emotional not like i can even blame it on hormones. Just end of year blues, stir crazy even I just hate this time of the yr there is always so much going on and everyone seems to be overtly sensitive and emotional. I just wish I felt better about myself and my weight loss instead of feeling like a fat frump and knowing how unpleasant its going to be flying in 6 weeks from now. I dont know I think I am trying to prepare myself for a horrible situation by being really negative about everything. I just wish I knew what I wanted I seem to have lost the ability to dream as I dont know what to dream about.

Inspiring Layouts

2008-10-30T06:28:00.000+09:00

woohoo Nicole chose my layout for her blog yeaaaaaaaa

I must admit I was pleased with how this layout turned out.

Layout of the Day Oct

2008-10-13T16:23:00.000+08:00

Layout of the Day: Sisters
DSP Member: Sammdc
Products Used:
Tuscan Meadow by Lauren Bavin Word Art is Famous Authors- Oliver Wendell Holmes Created by Tina Chambers

Layout of the Day

2008-08-16T20:20:00.000+08:00

Layout of the day: What you looking at?

DSP Member: Sammdc

Credits: Who's Who In The Zoo Page Kit Created by Meryl Bartho Who's Who In The Zoo Two Page Kit Created by Meryl Bartho

Can't you just see a delighted toddler looking through pages like this in a mini-scrapbook after visiting the zoo?? Thanks for the inspiration!!

Spot Light Member

2008-08-16T19:50:00.000+08:00

THIS IS THE INFORMATION ON THE DSP WEBSITE

DSP - How long have you been scrapping?
Member - I started digi scrapping and paper scrapping at the exact same time in February 2006. I wandered by mistake into a paper scrapping store and simply got instantly hooked and seeing as I had been using Paint Shop Pro for like 9 years and had 1000s of digital photos it was like a light switch on in my brain which hasn't gone out since.

DSP - What do you like best about digital scrapbooking?
Member - There are many things I love about Digi scrapping but probably the reasons that really stand out is there is no mess and the undo button. I can make a million mistakes and then hit the undo button and start over. I also love the fact that it has allowed me to make friends all over the world.

DSP - What drew you to this site?
Member - The instant feedback encouragement and friendliness of the DSP designers, moderators and members. I also liked the challenges and the bonuses you get for doing them.

DSP - Do you have a favorite challenge here at DSP?
Member - I wish I had a favourite as that way I might not spend so much money each month doing almost ALL the challenges. Honestly one of my favourite ones would be the Featured Designer Challenge as that gives me the opportunity to go back and use all the beautiful bonus kits that I haven't used.

DSP - What is your most "off the wall" layout?
Member - I have chosen a layout that fills me with intense emotion each time I look at it. This layout is at odds with most of my layouts as it has a very blurred photograph on it.
Blurred Love

DSP - Do you ever experience "scrappers block", and if so how do you overcome it?
Member - I find my inspiration comes from 2 main things firstly from photographs so if I find I am suffering lack of inspiration I will take my camera with me and visit my daughter, friends or go to the Zoo. Secondly I love to do tutorials or scraplifts so I will look for a new tutorial or layout that challenges me to see if I can do it.

DSP - What is your favorite thing to scrap about?
Member - Well I love scrapping about my partner Donn and the great adventures we have together. I also love scrapping my family specially my two beautiful daughters.

DSP - If you were a scrapbook element, what would you be?
Member - I am totally addicted right now to overlays and edges in fact I feel like my layout is naked if I don't put some type of edge or overlay on it.

DSP - What part of the site do you spend the most time in, other than your gallery?
Member - hehehe this is easy I spend way way too much time in the Granny thread ohhh and the store just ask my credit card hehehehe

DSP - What other hobbies or activities do you enjoy other than scrapping?
Member - I love photography, walking, playing on the Nintendo Wii, reading I am always reading something, trying to perfect the art of espresso making, drinking coffee with my friends, and I make regular visits to the Zoo.

DSP - Is there anything else you would like to share with us?
Member - I am a High School Teacher and it's how I define myself I love my work. At my funeral I dont want the main thing to be said about me is that I had a beautifully tidy home but rather that I lived my life to the full with passion, colour, imagination and creativity. heheheh all of this is just my politically correct way of saying that I need to stop talking and go clean my house

Thanks for being our spotlight this month Carolyn! It was great to read more about you! ~Team Digital

Begin Again

2008-08-11T16:27:00.000+08:00

So I am so far behind on my blog I am almost embarrassed to continue to use this blog. However thanks to be inspired by Suz's deeper than the date challenge on DSP. I am going to make the effort to update more regularly.

So what an exciting month August is being totally hectic but fun.

The best part is being chosen as Spot light member of the Month on DSP I was thrilled and absolutely delighted when I got the email asking me if i would like to be.

I am also feeling great because I've gotten back into walking again and yesterday went for a great walk around the River with Jen and Carli.

Oh and Jacy has just completed her first day of Jury duty she has be assigned to a 5 day trial armed robbery.

Other great things to happen is the birth of Noah on my birthday that was fantastic and also getting my new lens for my camera also totally awesome.

2007-11-11T20:43:00.000+09:00

I have no title for todays post I am tired I've just spent the last 7 days marking TEE Geography Exam papers and my brain is fried. The house is so silent almost glad I have to go to work tomorrow as then there is plenty of noise around me.
Only thing to add is that I found out this past week that my niece is expecting her first baby July 12 2008 that is such wonderful news and I am so totally delighted for her.

Empty Nest

2007-10-28T17:11:00.000+09:00

so who do you talk too when all you feel like doing is crying? Who would have known that your 25 yr old daughter moving out into her own home would make you feel so empty and alone in side. It's such a weirdest combination of emotions I am so very proud of her and all she has achieved buying her own apartment and being so happy for her but have an empty bedroom in my home hurts more than I would have imagined. The whole house seems bigger and more lonely and I am just not ready emotionally to deal with this as I really didn't think I would feel this way. I just want it to be everything she has dreamt it would be. I am just going to miss her tremendously as much as we may have not always seen eye to eye she was some one I could talk too and just have the knowledge that I wasn't alone. I just hate the silence that I feel and it's a silence inside my heart so no tv or external noise can feel the silence.

Where does Time Go?

2007-10-20T05:28:00.000+08:00

So since I last posted I've been to Texas and back and now I am annoyed with myself for not posting while I was in Texas so I could have the pleasure of rereading what I posted grrrrrr. Guess we were too busy taking over 2000 photos between us in 12 days. So many many many beautiful photos to match the 1000s of laughs and memories we created and shared between the two of us.

So what did I think of flying via Japan.... well it was really quite disappointing as for one I didnt get to leave the airport and the airport was over heated and not really any decent shops to get gifts in. Tho couple of very interesting things was the toilets electronic ones where you can push a button to make the sounds of the toilet flushing to cover up what your doing also another button to push to get a spray of water on your butt or buttocks as the sign read. I experiemented with the sounds but not the water. I also had a real nice shower at the airport in most cleanest bathroom ever which was very refreshing. Another highlight was on the way back from Detroit to Japan I got to sit with the most wonderful young family Steph and her husband who is in the USA Navy based in Japan and there 2 beautiful children Isabella who is 2 and Caidien whi is 7 months they were all so lovely and kind and Isabella sand beautiful songs to me.
Donnwas everything I could have hoped for he looked wonderful and was well it has made me feel so great to spend time with him and see him looking and feeling so good. I love him so very much and it totally destroyed me at the beginning of the yr when he was so sick and I thought I was going to lose him. Just to even think about that makes me feel physically sick. BUT this trip and time together was all about relaxing and cherishing every min of the time we had together. We sat side by side and took photos of the moon, the skyline of Fort Worth at night all our favourite animals at the Fort Worth Zoo not once but twice. We spent a fantastic day at the Texas State Fair where I got to see and hear BIG TEX and we ate....
1. Big Cone of Cotton Candy
2. Big original Corny Dog
3. Deliciously Hot Funnel Cake
4. Big hot plate of Tornado taters
5. Huge Corn on the Cob dripping butter and
6 numerous bottles of water and cups of soda.
Going on the Sky Ride was super cool we got to see all over the fair grounds and took some great photos.
The day we went to the Botanical Gardens we also took some beautiful photos I so love the magic of the gardens I always feel like we wrapped inan extra special band of love and happiness as we stroll through the gardens oh and Donn took the most amazing photo of a dragon fly its so beautiful you can see the wings shimmer.

Something that was totally gross was the silk worm plague that Texas has right now the leaves are eaten completely off from the trees in Donn's front yard and they were thick on the ground and on the tree too the point that you had to run for cover when you were out there in case they fell on you I got a couple on me and Donn has never heard me scream as loudly as I did for him to get them off me hehehehehe. It was also very hot and humid while I was there which was a shame as I had hope to get to experience some real "FALL" weather. However I had so much fun with Halloween and the pumpkins. The pumpkins are truly magical theya re so orange and all such wonderful shapes and the best part I carved my very own Jack O Lantern it was so simple I wanted to carve more(poor Jack is in the trash now tho he broke out with a bad case of Mould).
Oh and of course its always fun to get to spend time with Twister Donn's dog he is so totally different to my little cindy hehehe he always makes me laugh I think every time Donn an di were standing together in the kitchen and Donn would hug me or kiss me twist licks my feet more to the point between my toes hehehehehhe eeeeeeek.

As for Donn(my PRETTY BOY) as i was calling him this trip with all his tough hippy biker pony tail all chopped off he forever makes me smile it's jsut so easy for us to be together we just simply the best of friends who are so comfortable togewther but then he kisses me and I swoon its like we simply made for each other.
Anyways so now its just exactly a week since I left Texas and I am stillwaking up at random hours of the night and reaching for Donn to find that he is not there and it hurts but given the extreme sadness and unhappiness I felt for much of this yr I am determined not to be to sad but rather focus on the wonderful times we had and will have in the future.

Now if I could just get some good sleep and stop been so darn tired everything woiuld be good.

Wedding Photos .....

2007-09-09T08:32:00.000+08:00

More Wedding Photos

2007-09-09T08:23:00.000+08:00

Just some more wedding photos.

The Wedding

2007-09-09T08:18:00.000+08:00

What a magical beautiful Wedding Sheree and Anthony had yesterday Sept 8th 2007. Sheree looked so beautiful and Anthony didnt stop smiling all day. There was even moments of pure sunshine admist a windy overcaste day.

Will add more to this post later just wanted to post a photo of the happy couple with myself and Carli and Jacy.

The Moon

2007-08-26T20:29:00.001+08:00

I am determined to take good photographs of the moon we are havign a lunar eclipse on Tuesday so I am going try take some really good photos of it.

Here is my first effort.

Family

2007-08-26T20:19:00.000+08:00

Well I am really pleased with myself when my cousin Bobbie Spry Died last month I promised myself I would make more effort to see more of my extended family and today I accepted an invitation to my Uncle Peters Birthday and I am so glad I did as it gave me the opportunity to finally get some photographs of my Aunty Joyce who is such an amazingly elegant old lady and also the Aunty I am named for. Dad lived with Aunty joyce for a while as a young man so when I was born and they needed a second name dad called me Joyce.

I hate Cars

2007-08-25T14:36:00.000+08:00

Why is that Cars are made to be something that you need to be male to get treated with any respect when dealing with them it's like this damn boys club and more so the dumber the male and the smarter the woman it seems more the male with the mechanical know how wants to rip and intelligent woman off. (ok not all just some) Yes you guessed it I am having car problems which is kinda funny because I wasnt having nay car problems untill I allowed my father talk me to getting the timing belt on my wonderful no problems car replaced. This just goes to show if its not broke dont fix it. So I get the timing belt replaced as soon as I start my car up I know its not right but then it takes the mechanic a week to get back to me and then he tells me I need a new alternator/airconditioner blet and pulley symtem on my car as thats whats causing the problem so $147 later thats replaced then again I get in my car and its still not right oh you need a new clutch as well as which point I spat the dummy and got my very tough Brother-in-law to call the manager of the mechanic shop and he the manager then agrees to send out an EXPERIENCED mechanic to checkout my car. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excuse me what the hellwere the other 2 who had been working on my car trained monkeys and in the mean time I've had 10 days of my car not working right too the point its now not drivable till Monday and $536 later my car is parked in the garage and cant be driven. Telling ya I am kind of extremely and I do mean extremely annoyed as I feel I've been right royally screwed simply because of being a woman trying to operate in a mans world, GRRRRRRRRRRRR. So I owe my BIL big time he was wonderful the way he spoke to the manager and demanded they fix it for me and not take advantage of me by telling me i am a woman and my clutch needs repairing when he checked my clutch himself and aint nothing wrong with it. ok ok ok writtena book here but sure feels good to vent.

Template freebies

2007-08-25T08:30:00.001+08:00

So this has also been a big month with me hosting my first ever challenges and making template freebies to give away.

First tho the biggest challenge I co hosted with OrangeSue on DSP was called "Scrap your Stuffies" and we had had over 85 layouts completed for the challenge and were given our own gallery which you can see here This was so much fun and I loved commenting on all the layouts and encouraging everyone to get their layouts completed.
From this I hosted a Members Chat where our first topic was "to create a layout based on "this I believe" where the word "BELIEVE" should be a very large title.
Link to template

My second Freebie or Member hosted chat was based on telling the story behind your name so here is the link for the Name Template here

Then the final one for this month was go here http://www.colorstrology.com/ then using the template create a layout incorporating your 2 colours using a varitey of DSP products My sample layout

You can download the template here

Catch Up

2007-08-25T08:02:00.000+08:00

wow I cant believe I haven't updated for over a month. What a busy month it has been too. Probably one of the major high lights has been my new camera I've really enjoyed gettign to try all the different settings and working out how to use it.

This would be one of my favourite photos its Perth by Night using my new tripod for the first time.

What Age Do I Act

2007-07-09T07:31:00.000+08:00

You Are 16 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Week 1 of Jenny Craig

2007-06-30T13:37:00.000+08:00

ok so far so good I lost 2.1 kilos this week which I am very pleased with. Specially as I didn't get to the gym as much as I wanted too. So just need to keep reminding myself of all the reasons I want too lose weight.

SMART Goals

2007-06-24T20:04:00.000+08:00

S specific I want to lose 15 kilos

M Measurable well the scales will give me the results

A achievable it's definitely doable if I stick to the plan.

R realistic very I've done it before and know i can do it again

T time before sept 29th.

I am determined to lose weight I dont want to be worrying about being uncomfortable on the plane and I dont want to not fit into my clothes or feel tired and lacking in energy all the time. I want to be fit healthy and not feel self conscious about how I look. So today was the first day and so far so good I have a little bit of a headache which I put down to coffee with drawals.
Going to keep myself busy and not think about food. I am also going to use my Gym membership and get too the gym at least 4 times a week and walk at least once a week.

Lost Day

2007-06-17T07:54:00.000+08:00

Strange title I know but the thing is I do feel like I lost yesterday. I had such a great time at the School Ball on Friday night Fiona Jen and I just really click and we laughed chatted and had a great evening looking at all the students all dressed up and chatting to them as adults. I took over 100 photos many in groups of students and teachers combined, then to get half way home from the Ball and realise I didnt have my camera in my bag was the worse feeling. We called the Ballroom called other teachers, students but too no good it appears my camera has magically disappeared. To say I am devastated is an understatement. I guess only another camera enthusist would understand how attached you get too the camera. The other thing is that I had already been anticipating what kits I would use to scrap all my photos with as well. So yesterday I just couldnt bare to look at photos or even visit the scrap forum for nay sign of anything connected to photos had me in tears. I guess part of me is still hoping that Monday at school my camera maybe handed back but I am very doubtful. The thing is my camera was not even ayr old and its is an awesome little camera. Its valued at $500 and it didnt have my name or anything on it. Just really want my photos I took too. I guess I will eventually accept the fact I am not getting it back and the photos I took are lost forever but sure hate the feeling.

God Speed Luke

2007-06-05T17:17:00.000+08:00

It's kind of weird how you can meet some one and immediately feel a connection to them. Well there is jsut something about Luke that affected me. Perhaps because he has today sailed out on the HMAS ANZAC in the Australian Navy to the Persian Gulf for the next 6 months. He met Carli just over a week ago and was immediately smittened by her and since then they saw each other almost every day and part of that time I got to talk to him about his role in the Navy and his family. I was so impressed with him he was so well spoken and mature. I mean if he likes my daughter it kind of means he is a very smart young man. However a part of me wishes I didnt get too meet him as even after just a short time if something was to happen to him I would be deeply effected by it. So God Speed Luke and stay safe.